Revenge of the turds

This just in:

News parody blogs explode in numbers causing lameness on the interwebs.

Wut? Sorry remember a few weeks or days back I promised a story of untold stinkyness and disgust, huh do ya?

It all started on a warm Wednesday morning the day started like any other I got up had a pee, released my morning wood of its duties and had a nice relaxing shower as one does.

I quickly grew bored around 7am and decided to head for a drive to the beach, just for a drive to look at the ocean maybe have a perv and take some voyeur photos of the retired wrinkles that roam the walking trails and bike tracks along the beach.

All was good I picked up a couple of Redbulls for the trip and in case I was spotted and had to run I drank them down forgetting I had not yet had breakfast or had the morning crap, the stinkiest and most needed of all poohs threw out the day.

As I drove along the road across from the beach looking for the moldy oldies I felt a sharp pain in my stomach this could only mean that a turd was trying to free itself from the evil clutches of my small intestine little did I know of the will and sheer determination of my brown buddy.

As I swung a U-turn and headed for home in peak-hour traffic I came across a problem, there was an accident holding up traffic and I knew if I didn't get home soon I was going to deliver in my car, not cool!

I made a break for my Grandma's house as they lived closer and I was on a knifes edge. My contractions grew closer and closer together I feared every fart would be my last (like poetry).

Twenty minutes later I reached my grandparents place and in extreme pain I squeezed my ass cheeks together but also feeling a sense of relief as I drove up the driveway. I jumped out of the car and ran to the door knocking as loud as I could until my knuckles started to bleed.

They weren't home!

As I ran back down to the car a sneaky fart escaped from my ass taking with it a souvenir from its time in my bowels, my new smudge and I proceeded home as fast as I could drive without forcing anymore out.

Very nice!

By the time I arrived home it was to late I could not hold it in any longer and as I ran up the stairs squirting towards the toilet I thought to myself, why didn't I just stop at a petrol station and use their crapper? Damn that sucks!