Be stress free with me

I've just recently started chatting in chat rooms again after a year long break because everyone in the "outside world" sux balls and I've found something out since I've started strolling the rooms for strays and thats there is NO acceptable and unacceptable behavior its a free for all until you piss off the moderators or site owner.

I think thats fucken great! Here at AC we believe in the freedom of speech as long as we agree with it, so I urge all of you to go in a chat room every now and then and release the stress of your day-to-day lives on some person on the other side of the world that you have never and will never meet!

Here are a few rules to follow when trying to make an enemy in a chat room and let yourself go don't be afraid what are they going to do? Get obsessed, track you down, kill you and where your skin? That almost never happens.

RULE 1: Always introduce yourself as "your mothers lover" or "the dude thats gunna fuck you up" this will almost always raise a response and break the ice.
22:16 Dismo: Hi I'm your mothers lover she has nice tits shame about the being dead for 10 years tho

22:17 -Glenda-: oi c**t talk about my mother like that again c**t face you will get a bullet between ya eyes

RULE2: A comeback will be the next thing you will need to come up with as the last comment will bring upon a barrage of explicit words and sentences, you want the comeback to smooth things over so they keep talking to you. "Sorry I posted that on the wrong page" and "what I didn't type that" will get them back on your side.
22:19 Dismo: Sorry I posted that on the wrong page

22:20 -Glenda-: ok well maybe you should watch where ya doin it....ill let ya go this time

RULE3: Now you've made it this far you should be feeling a bit better but theres always room for improvement and at this stage you will need to offload all your problems in your life that you have ever had, don't be afraid to write a four page essay remember that the person at the other end is there to listen, always use extreme language and remember that sex romps gone wrong stories will remove large amounts of stress.

22:23 Dismo: My life is so f**ked...
22:23 -Glenda-: please I don't care!

RULE4: Never let them get a word in if they do shut them down and belittle their problems with responses like "shut the fuck up I'm talking here" and "thats nothing this one time I...". This pisses them off.
22:24 Dismo: Do ya mind mate, I'm talking here you rude f**ker, your whats wrong with the world.

22:25-Glenda-: F**k you c**t your really pissing me off!

RULE5: The "can I see you naked on cam" comment can make the difference between a good chat and a shit chat, if they say yes then by all means watch them naked on cam but be sure to laugh and call them fat and ugly, this will make you feel way better! If they say no then reply with "thats ok your probably pretty ugly anyway".
22:26 Dismo: Do you have a cam? I would love to see your tits!
22:28 -Glenda-: HELL NO NO WAY IN THE WORLD NEVER EVER

This is as far as the examples go as I was kicked of the site and banned, WINNER!

RULE6: Saying goodbye is never easy so the best way to do it and relieve stress is to start calling their family "a bunch of retards" and threatening to kill them because "the people inside my head are telling me to". Explaining to the other person that "you live just down the road from them" and "you will be over shortly just to hang out" will freak the fuck out of them and leave you pissing your pants laughing thus your stress is gone!

So the next time you visit a massage therapist or a psychologist think to yourself "do I really need to be here spending all my money or can I just go into a chat room and cause shit?" I think its an easy decision! You can thank me later.

This post has been edited for nuns.

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I'M NOT GAY SO STOP WISHING I WAS

I hate posting shit like this but I'm that fucking angry that I have no problem posting it!

I'm not gay and the next person that says I am is gunna know just how not-gay I am. I don't have a problem with the gay population but I do have a problem with my so called best friend telling the world and me that I root my male friends, THIS IS NOT COOL!

The friend I am talking about will read this post and I hope she does, its time to set the record straight, literally.

I'm not gay and never will be, get used to it I'm here I'm straight and I think thats great (my new slogan).

If my friend wants to be a "fag hag" then I suggest you go out and find a real fag instead of wishing that the friends you do have were gay, thats kind of sick and twisted and will end up turning all your friends away from you.

NEVER GUNNA HAPPEN!!

What is it about me that makes people think I'm gay? I'm a scruffy dirty Aussie bloke that loves cars and tits! The furtherest away from gay that you can get, I just don't get it and am getting extremely fucking sick of it!!!!!

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Tom Cruise Admits "I'm an A**hole"

Wed January 21, 2009

Dingleberry USA (Krapsody special report) - Tom Cruise in another much anticipated "how far can he get his foot into his mouth" this time moment, Tom Cruise recently said he has flaws...sorta.

Not in so many words. But as everyone knows, Tom Cruise is God, and always refers to himself in the first person. I will refer to him by his full name, 36.4 times in this article.

Tom Cruise admits he came across as "arrogant" in a December 15 interview with Matt Lauer on the Today Show. Which is an understatement if you ask any person on the street. Insiders have stated that in recent polls, 10 out of 10 people think Tom Cruise is a bi-polar, crack addict. Basically you could say that means he's an angry clown.

His fiascoes over the years have cost him not only Nicole Kidman, but eventually a contract with Paramount Pictures where he has likely earned the studio billions of dollars, and could have earned more, if it weren't for his often odd and erratic behavior and his penchant for sitting on a hardboiled egg during interviews, muttering "shh, it's almost ready to hatch...any moment now."

Let's have a look at one of the most renowned moments of his public breakdown, Exhibit 1: the Scientology incident.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYgN3gTTI80

Aha, oh yeah. Classic stuff. This was the peak of his trek into angry clown oblivion.


Let's see if we got this right. 'Tom Cruise scientologist: Class 4 OT7 Platinum Meritorious and IAS Freedom Medal of Valor Winner' wax lyrical about Scientology, Tom Cruise is considered a member of the lunatic fringe. For more of his holiness read my article on Institutions of Jocularity™.


To add to the insanity, a few years ago Tom Cruise got pissed at a paparazzo for squirting him with a little water, which is not cool (that could be considered assault in most states) but then Tom Cruise grabs the guy (also not cool and is just the same as assault) asks him why he squirted him, over and over. Remember that? Well it was just water dude. And the papparazzo was a jerk.. but..uhhh... I think therapists nationwide agree Tom Cruise needs drugs. Mind altering drugs to be exact, which might actually balance him out and help him see reality. Sounds about right?

Long story short - Tom Cruise has definitely tossed off the shackles of Hollywood oppression and will continue to pilot his Scientology-fueled funny car straight towards you. Who has he won over with his rhetoric? ..well, except for Katie Holmes. I'm sure it'll be just a matter of time before she wakes up to his wickedness. 

    

 And now biggest nutbag, err... movie star in the world, Tom Spew!

Fun Factoid: Did ya know that Tom Cruise will not allow his likeness to be used in video games or for action figures. Because his likeness is so much in demand, Macy's wants to use his likeness for its mannequins.

Tommyquins are not exactly all that popular yet.

It also seems Tom Cruise is a slow learner, but he's on the right track to admitting when he's wrong. Another example, early in May 2008, Tom Cruise returned to Oprah’s couch and admitted that he was wrong about postpartum depression.

Tom Cruise had this to say about his comments regarding Brooke Shields and her use of medications to treat her postpartum depression, "It came out wrong, it’s just not true. I was raised by four women who have children and babies. And that's the way I like my women, barefoot 'n pregnant, slaving in the kitchen, making my dinner."

"I’m not trying or want to tell anyone how to live their life or what they should believe or shouldn’t believe. But I am. And just for the record folks, Tom Cruise thinks YOUR science sucks!"




Tom Cruise went on to say he felt "pressed" by the media during that period of his life - and regrets saying a lot of things on TV.

He added, "I felt like I could’ve handled it better. Like I shouldn't have said those things on TV at all. I should have kept them to myself, and suppressed my need to tell people my innermost, personal thoughts. It just showed how insane I really am. Muhahahahahahahahaha!"

The news story ends well. One afternoon after Christmas at Macy's, Oprah and Tom Cruise ran into each other shopping for those 70% off sales, and Oprah promptly sat on him.

The end.


Well not quite the end, you can see m0ar Tom Cruise smashing fun at the following links:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

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Revenge of the turds

This just in:

News parody blogs explode in numbers causing lameness on the interwebs.

Wut? Sorry remember a few weeks or days back I promised a story of untold stinkyness and disgust, huh do ya?

It all started on a warm Wednesday morning the day started like any other I got up had a pee, released my morning wood of its duties and had a nice relaxing shower as one does.

I quickly grew bored around 7am and decided to head for a drive to the beach, just for a drive to look at the ocean maybe have a perv and take some voyeur photos of the retired wrinkles that roam the walking trails and bike tracks along the beach.

All was good I picked up a couple of Redbulls for the trip and in case I was spotted and had to run I drank them down forgetting I had not yet had breakfast or had the morning crap, the stinkiest and most needed of all poohs threw out the day.

As I drove along the road across from the beach looking for the moldy oldies I felt a sharp pain in my stomach this could only mean that a turd was trying to free itself from the evil clutches of my small intestine little did I know of the will and sheer determination of my brown buddy.

As I swung a U-turn and headed for home in peak-hour traffic I came across a problem, there was an accident holding up traffic and I knew if I didn't get home soon I was going to deliver in my car, not cool!

I made a break for my Grandma's house as they lived closer and I was on a knifes edge. My contractions grew closer and closer together I feared every fart would be my last (like poetry).

Twenty minutes later I reached my grandparents place and in extreme pain I squeezed my ass cheeks together but also feeling a sense of relief as I drove up the driveway. I jumped out of the car and ran to the door knocking as loud as I could until my knuckles started to bleed.

They weren't home!

As I ran back down to the car a sneaky fart escaped from my ass taking with it a souvenir from its time in my bowels, my new smudge and I proceeded home as fast as I could drive without forcing anymore out.

Very nice!

By the time I arrived home it was to late I could not hold it in any longer and as I ran up the stairs squirting towards the toilet I thought to myself, why didn't I just stop at a petrol station and use their crapper? Damn that sucks!

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An inconvenient tooth (get it)

Holla for a corn dog yall its summer time so pull out ya thongs and sunnies and lets all cruise to the beach unless ya live in the states and thats, well all of my readers and authors so, NEXT POST.

Hows winter going for you all? Cold? yeah suck shit its freaken awesome down ere, the fishing is great the water is clear, the surfs up, the sharks are biting people in half, yeah thats right 4 shark attacks in the last month, beat that Hawaii bunch-a-wannabes .

So we've had a few swimming sets of teeth around, nothing new right? Wrong the nice scientist people in the wonderful government (sarcasm) are blaming the increased numbers of sharks around this summer on global warming "quick run for the hills theres a global warming afoot" Were all going to die...very very v...e...r...y slowly.

Is Global Warming the new excuse for everything? Me thinks so it used to be blame the communists, damn reds but now its all our own fault because I didn't turn off that damn light when I went out the other year, if only I knew then what I know now? I'd still do the same.

Who has time to make sure all the lights and TV and electrical equipment is off when your heading out to abuse cripples?

There is only one way to see if all this Global heating crap is caused by us and cars and junk and that is to pollute more and see if we all die in a horrible natural disaster and if that does happen then sorry I was wrong and the lovely overpaid scientist people were right but when am I wrong? NEVER!

So until then don't go swimming where there are sharks, and lets blame the increase of shark attacks on the amount of people swimming in the sharks feeding grounds due to the growing population on the coastline or communists.

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What The Hell?

Here's a goddamn video clip for ya, filled with joy and uplifting sentiment.

BOING!

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There once was a man from?

Anyways enough of the serious cutting edge world issues on Angry Clown, its time for some fun...SO HAVE SOME FUCKEN FUN NOW!!

"Caption this" posts suck, I really hate them but it seems that a lot of "people" like them it think its fun and interactively goodness and junk...Balls.

So here it is, Angry Clowns first EVER "caption this" contest, you could win a million dollars or that new liver your alcoholic father so desperately needs, are you going to tell him that you wont save his life because you refuse to submit your funny fucking caption to Angry Clown? Yeah I thought so!

Caption this...scrotum

You have 1 week to amaze me and "the others" with your witty remarks, enjoy.

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Cannibalism part II: Why Cannibalistic Serial-Murderers Are Waaay Better Than Non-Cannibalistic Serial-Murderers...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

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Life wants to fuck you in the ass!

Well thanks to our new "author" Julio, he even freaks me out. That was some post...I think.

Introducing Julio

As many of you may have noticed its been a little while since I've been anywhere near AC or even a computer for that matter and thats because life has grabbed me by the balls, twisted and then sliced off my scrotum with a blunt and rusty fishing knife while ramming its huge over sized and unwashed fist up my ass while flicking my eyeball with a lit match...Good times, good times indeed.

It was great fun I'm sorry you all missed it but fuck that and fuck everything, lets get this party started, who has the oiled up naked midgets and the giant tuna fish sandwich? MMMMM oily tuna midget sandwich naked fisting-yummy....ass!

Mo fo wheres my tuna sandwich at?

??Ever had to shit so bad that you wish you had a big black dildo stuck up your ass? Well I have and its a funny story that I'm sure you all want to hear so badly that it hurts and squirts when you think about it.

WOW 3 cans stacked on top of each other! That takes skill

Just fucking wait you inpatient granny snatch rooter It will be up soon just go and play with yourself or burn down an orphanage until then and please come back soon...dick.

I'll be over there >>

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Cannibals Part I: Why funerals are Buffets just WAITING to happen

Look, before you say anything, I know exactly what you're thinking: "I'm using the internet and am NOT currently looking at porn." I can sympathise with that, although this is completely unrelated to today's entry and will therefore will be replaced with an "intellectual conversation" (defined as one which consists of at least a 6th-grade reading level) about cannibalism. And maybe porn...okay, the entire article is about porn. 

Above: summation of this entire article

Okay, I lied. Actually, the article IS about cannibalism, but not in the way you would expect. Murdering someone and eating their remains is about one of the worse things one human being can do to another human being. Fortunately, there is nothing in the definition of "cannibal" that involves "killing someone". That attribute is reserved for murderers. And Dick Cheney. 

This is his idea of "self-help"

Cannibalism simply involves the consumption of human flesh. Sorry all you stalkers out there, but eating the hair you found on a comb in Linsey Lohan's dumpster does not make you a cannibal (hair isn't flesh moron), although it does mean that you and I have at least one thing in common (call me!). But seriously you guys, just think about it for a moment. Aren't funerals such a WASTE? A Funeral is the only thing that costs more than $5,000 that NOBODY has a good time during. Not even your alcoholic, gay uncle Frederick and his Asian sex-slave/accountant Fred have a good time, and to him, EVERY-FUCKING-DAY is a party! 

In today's financial market, sex-slave is the #1 job-choice for accountants!

As far as the costs are concerned, there's the casket to think about; the mortician to "beautify" the body; the food to feed the guests...does anyone see where I'm going with this? If so, then you're one sick bastard (call me!). Anyway, we here at "Fuddrucker's Dining Hall and Funeral Parlor" understand that you can't spell "funeral" without "FUN," which brings me to my next point. You can replace the casket with a silver platter, the mortician with a chef and the food with...you guessed it, the dead guy, because let's be honest, he's been given a free ride for FAAAR too long. It's about time he pulls his own (albiet dead) weight. The body of the deceased, instead of rotting in the ground waiting to be sodomized by crack-addicted necropheliacs, would instead be sodomized by crack-addicted necropheliacs after FIRST being eaten by your grieving yet thankful (for all the money you saved them) family. 

Either the Japanese are completely insane, or they do the weirdest shit just to

fuck with us.

Now, before you call your local Congressman to prevent such a trend from spreading, don't you worry. I only operate my business in the U.S. Minor Outlying Islands, which I fucking DARE you to point to on a map. For Christ's sake, you can't even point to your OWN country on a map. Not even a U.S. map that has written, in all capital letters, "THIS IS A MAP OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, DUMASS!"

That's it, I'm moving to Great Britain! Now where's my butt-plug...

Still not convinced of American inferiority? How about THIS:

Send the above article to ALL your friends (or else!!!):

http://angryclown.blogspot.com/2009/01/cannibals-part-i-why-funerals-are.html

Want more unbelievably useless and possibly psychologically scarring social commentary? Look below for more details (and quite possibly free pornography)!

Project Julio

Conceived in the womb when I was a mere zygote, Project Julio is now the internet's #1 underground comedy blog in Communist China! Taiwan Rules!

http://projectjulio.blogspot.com

satire, social commentary, politics and political incorrect-itude

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