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Lick The Big Bone

Saturday, December 13, 2008


You can thank Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States (1801–1809), and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776), for starting what would become the largest collection of North American Mammoth fossil bones (in scientific speak that means, old massive pricks.) History and science come together in this fascinating story of a woodland salt lick and how the fossilized big bones found there influenced the beginnings of paleontological pornography in America.

Located on Beaver Road and between the communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Snatch, Northern Kentucky's Big Bone Lick saline springs have nurtured man and animal for centuries, and the big bones of extinct mastodons, bison and other creatures are buried deep in there to prove it.

The park features several nature trails, including the Outdoor Museum of Big Bonin' with Discovery Trail (I'll let you decide what that means), complete with spurting springs -  and everyone knows that Kentuckians love salty springs erupting from Big Bones, just as much as Georgians do. Ever seen Deliverance?

We're all Georgians..well, not really. But we do have Big Bones.

Biology Professor emeritus Eyema Hedonist, illuminates a time when the concept of extinction of the Big Bone was considered outrageous, if not downright blasphemous, since it contradicted the biblical doctrine of a perfect, unchanging Big Bone creation. The Big Bone Theory, if you will, was met with much criticism.
Early 18th-century Big Bone naturalists believed the Big Bones were remnants of some, get this: rare type of elephant dong, possibly even Asian elephant dongs that had somehow wandered into American forests.. let's just see how many hits those underlined search words get on Google. God knows I've had plenty for whale penis.

Thomas Jefferson used the Mammoth bones to refute the European idea that the New World environment was inferior and unable to grow large animals. No doubt, this theory was unfounded.

These elephants got Big Bones.

Today Big Bone lies mostly in obscurity, much like this blogger's articles. However, with the advent of Viagra and Cialis, Big Bone may rise again. Long live Big Bone! The End.

big gay gwb bone

It's amazing what you can find on the 'interweb', said Jumbone Licker, If I were to surf the interweb more often, I'd totally do it nekkid!

You can find out more about this degenerate, obscure blog-tard and his mammoth Big Bone at the following links:

Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor
the Land of Arse
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!


Kelly December 14, 2008 at 4:13 PM  

Gosh, that post was chock full of vital information. And funny, to boot. You must be an ultra smart school teacher, Mr. Static. Kinda makes me wish I were in your class so I could throw a hard brick at your back while you're turned toward the chalkboard.

But that's a good thing isn't it?

rusty December 14, 2008 at 7:22 PM  

Wow, that was wicked informative. Those chicks at the bottom are hot. What are they doing this Thursday? I have a bottle of roofies and I know how to use them!

~Static~ December 15, 2008 at 1:01 AM  

@Kelly - I'm so hilarious and educational, I shit clowns.. and encyclopedias.

Please stop throwing your bricks of heroin at me, I will have to turn you into the authorities for assault, and I'll get all your drug stash if you keep doing that. Gee, for a drug dealer, you aren't too bright. But then most junkies aren't, I s'pose. (sniff sniff) Wow, did you shit your pants again? Damn junkies.

@Rusty - Those chicks are all mine, so stay away. This weekend we'll be playing naked in a swimming pool filled with KY jelly. That should make it ten times more difficult to find the wet spot..

which reminds me, did ya know that abbreviation for the state of Kentucky, is KY?
Aha ha ha ha ha ha lol!

p.s. poop

Sachin Malhotra December 15, 2008 at 1:10 AM  

very nice blog...

pls visit my blog and share ur views...

thank you

~Static~ December 15, 2008 at 1:07 PM  

@Sachin Malhotra - How about you give my Big Bone a Lick? C'mon, don't be shy. After all, spamming isn't for the shy, now is it? spamming sack of pus!

Pwn Greenland December 15, 2008 at 10:48 PM  

I'm just glad that someone named a national park after your mother's top selling DVD.

~Static~ December 16, 2008 at 2:00 AM  

@Pwn Greenland - Which is why me and my great great grandchildren will be rolling in the dough.

But you are just scraping by on the peanuts people still throw at your mother, for laying with an elephant in her act at the local carnival years ago, Elephant Man.

Are ya still clinging to the defense that you "are not an animal?"



Don December 16, 2008 at 4:49 AM  

Hell, now I know why Daniel Boone spent so much friggin' time there. That's where he killed that bear too. Now it adds up. The bear with the bodacious boner that is.

~Static~ December 17, 2008 at 2:03 AM  

@Don - Turns out the bear was getting a bit too frisky for Mr. Boone's liking. Mr. Boone liked bears, especially the biker variety.. but maintained he wasn't gay. Just ask his distant relative, Pat Boone.

Julio December 19, 2008 at 7:21 PM

I would like to write for your sarcastic, pun-filled, overtly ironic (i.e. sarcastic), and relatively more popular than my own blog, blog. Why?
1. No one has read my blog other than those I've baited with key words such as "vagina," "Big Tits" and "Harry Potter...nude. now with EXTRA BOY-NUDITY!!!"

2. Did I mention I am an attention starved coffee-shop employee who receives rent-checks from his mom and plays online games while people who are more successful than myself (i.e. EVERYONE) steps over the pile of discarded Cheeto bags, water bottles (from concentrate) and a 200 mg insulin patch that I use to maintain blood sugar NOT because I am a diabetic who just invented the cure to Diabetes but, rather, because I am too busy getting food for my character on "THE SIMS" to get food for real, actual self (who ironically is also on "THE SIMS")

also PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND ALSO YOU FOLLOW MY BLOG WHICH MEANS THAT YOU LOOOOOOOVE JESUS....related humor. And high-performance toaster ovens which toast FOUR slices of bread as opposed to TWO because who the fuck eats two pieces of toast at one time, AM I RIGHT, AM I RIGHT YOU GUYS, YOU BET I'M FUCKING RIGHT, I'M SO GOD-DAMNED FUNNY BECAUSE I TALK ABOUT EVERY-DAY THINGS (e.g. appliances, mannerisms, turns-of-phrase, colloquial language, etc) AND EXPRESS DOUBT IN BOTH ITS USEFULNESS AS WELL AS ITS SEEMINGLY UNEXPECTED LITERAL TRANSLATION!!!!HAHHAHAAHA

~Static~ December 20, 2008 at 11:36 AM  

Hey Julio, how's it hangin'?

You won me over with "vagina", and "big boobs". I was totally sold when you mentioned "appliances".

However, it's not my blog, so I have no say. But feel free to contact Damo here at Angry Clown or at

Good luck d00d! =)

Julio December 21, 2008 at 7:57 AM  

Damn you! I thought you really WERE a black guy who held the power of STATIC ELETRICITY~! Such powers would allow you to control the interweb (and its endless series of tubes) in a similar fashion to how I control my various breeds of small ponies which I use for glory-hole sodomy, knowing full well those perverts will be NONE the wiser (I"m looking at you, Senator Craig)! Ah well, I'll contact the bastard. Hopefully he wont' make me write for his "Buffy" website...what is up with that, anyway? Is he really, like, a 12-year-old girl parading as a dude? Regardless, he's pretty funny for a 12-year-old.

Damian (666) December 22, 2008 at 9:45 PM  

Ehhhhhhhhhhhh Static wins and I'm alive, life rammed a stick up my ass and is twisting it but I'll kick its ass and be back very soon...yall

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