Sunday, August 12, 2012
I'm 30 today and don't feel a day over 50 Some people may call me immature but all I have to say to that is I know you are but what am I?
Ahhhh holidays I love them I also love sex (duh) so in the interest of science and all things wet and sticky I decided to mix the both up and have a dirty weekend away with the lady it seems like a good idea right? WRONG I went to far and now I'm in pain and not the good pain that comes from whips or clamps or an un-lubed butt plug for today I tried a sex pill!
sex pills are very popular and you do hear stories of how they can go wrong and give you a 24 hour hard on and I've heard the stories first hand from customers in the shop but I never thought it would happen to me. I popped this little over the counter herbal hard on in a pill around 2pm thinking it would give me a good afternoons worth of fun and it did for the first few hours but now it's 11am the next day and I can't even walk outside due to my third leg sticking out like a elephants trunk (yes I'm that big) and the throbbing has gotten to the point where my testicles are the size of grapefruits and almost the same color.
So I've tried the match trick , cold water, panadol, yelling and swearing at it and even slapping it around but that just made me more aroused so now I'm thinking fuck it I should just go with it and stick it in as many things as I can find, you know like random holes around the place play hide the wad for the next couple that stay in the unit they could turn on the spa bath and find them selves having a bath in my primordial sludge that is oozing from every water jet hole.
I'm all out of ideas and hoping posting this maybe some of you would have something I can try as the little lady is full and I really want to get outside and enjoy my birthday with a cold beer up the pub!
Friday, August 10, 2012
What the fuck how did I get here? How the fuck are ya's?
So fucking much has been happening since the last time I graced these gentle pages with my overwhelming and sometimes forceful sense of reason, righteousness and kindness to all things great and blah blah blah fuck that I'm tired I've been up for 2 days and I have a pink unicorn chasing me around trying butt fuck my left ear.
I'm sooo fucking tired and scared of having my ear raped that I am going to do something I told myself Angry Clown would never do unless it was over my dead body or pink unicorn raped left ear drum.
So Angry Clown is moving to -
Your mums house cause she's fat and loves a good orgy and doesn't mind savage butt sex with power tools converted to sex toys. Yeah we are not going anywhere I was just having a go at ya and I'm way to fucking tired to share any of my awesome, sexy and amazing life adventures just at this moment so here are some funny fucking pictures of shit i don't care about. until next time, eat a fat dick cause there's just not enough meat on a skinny one for a fat prick like you!
To far? BTW I know my spellin and engrish and punctyouinthefacuation is a bit off but just get the fuck over it, if you can't read a sentence without a fucking spelling mistake in it then that kinda makes you a bit of a major fucking retard!
I really gotta stop swearing so much!
Monday, March 19, 2012
- Never ever EVER ask a customer if they need a hand. For obvious reasons.
- Never ask a customer how big their anus or vagina is EVEN if it helps you work out if they need a 12inch or a 14!
- Never offer to show the customer how a product works especially when explaining anal beads, I learnt this the very hard way.
- Never assume you know what the customer wants. 80 yr old grannies sometimes want double ended dongs, sad but true.
- Never greet a customer by asking wassuuupppppp, you wont like the answer.
- Never run around the shop naked with a 14 incher chasing customers, no matter how much fun it is.
- Most peoples fetishes are fucked up so try not to laugh when a customer wants a blow up turkey doll that has a 7 inch cock.