The book of Damo

The sky grew dark the wind picked up all of a sudden and leaves became afloat with the odd plastic bag rolling threw like a scene from an old western. The light became a trickle with cars needing there lights on just to see it was strange as it was only mid-afternoon. We thought we might head inside but something kept us out there something strange almost like we couldn't turn away from the darkness this was no normal storm and no normal day.

As the wind picked up and the rain began to sting our fragile model face's we decided it was time to leave and head into the safety of the house when suddenly a flash and a loud moan rang out accross the land not from one of us or from anyone or anything near but almost like thunder we looked at each other shocked then laughed it off "hahaha" we laughed whilst slapping our arses but still the darkness grew and the wind howlled and yes we were frightened.

As we turned our backs from the direction of the cloud to head home another giant moan sounded we gulped and stood still wondering what the fuck it was, it was not thunder but sounded more like an old man waking up first thing in the morning "fuck this" i said and we headed off.

Another flash grabbed our attention we turned and saw what looked like a massive ball bag start lowering from the cloud complete with pubes that seemed to tickle the clouds and made them dance accross the sky as it lowered. "holy fucking shit " I yelled as the gathering crowd started screaming and running there faces and looks of terror will stay with me like horrid tattoo's on my brain never to fade.

"FFAAAAAAAAAARRRTTTTTTTTTT PHHHHfffffffff AAAAHHHHHHHH yeah thats better" Came from what looked like a giant old man taking a massive dump on the world.

As shit slowly rained down covering all the ground and ocean like a thick stinky brown snow we all turned to each other looking like big brown bears and somehow knew that this was the secound coming of something evil that had scared the shit out of an unexpecting public for years that we all thought had died out and would never return but there was no other explaination it had to be the return...

...Of ANGRY CLOWN

All the signs pointed to it- Giant waves crushing Japan (whales say suck shit), More war in the middle east or in the middle of who the fuck cares, earthquakes and volcano's detroying everything , a black president in America and a female Priminister in Australia, Justin Bieber and yet no one knew suckers.

How could you not see the signs? Dumb fucks

I mean come on!

Look at this shit it screams angry clown!!

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Beat That Tiger Penis

Jobs are harder to find in todays economy then tiger penis to aid in the delivery of happiness and sunshine from a dragon that lays with the golden koi (everyone bow).

Happiness Please

I've been looking and applying and shiting out applications like some robotic application machine that shits out applications everyday and while I'm still sane it is driving me slowly to that dark place in ones head where fish lay with dragons (again everyone bow).

So I was never really that sane but at least I could find a job and hold a job when said job was availible. Now I find myself scratching my balls and watching TV all day with the prospect of fishing as the most exciting bit of the day nay week NAY month, YES fishing fuck.

This Tiger penis is easy to find!

Fuck that as I realize its not just me this is happening too but a large number of the population has fallen victim to the "tiger penis" syndrome which I now call it. (please bow).

As a human being and a scholar and an awesome lover yeah bitch you know you want it it is my place nay my right to entertain and to give you some ideas on how to beat a tiger penis.

Introducing my top 5 rules for surviving the Tiger Penis!

Number 5. Get a hobby! Midget fisting or nun slapping with a fisted midget is always a favorite!

Number 4. Do volunteer work. You won't get paid and no one will give a shit that your doing it but at least you can pretend your a hero!

Number 3. Find a partner! Don't keep your pain and anxiety and depression to your self share it with someone special. Then they can fuck you over! cheers Renee!!

Number 4. Do nothing! Give up say fuck the world I'll just chill on my couch for the next ten years or until the tiger penis passes. You wont have to do anything! Its a win-win situation that keeps everyone happy especially your family that will get to feed your fat face and wipe your maggot filled ass!

Number 1. Start a blog or if you recently stopped blogging then restart its great you get to tell people what to do and spend all day on the net. This comes under hobby's you might be saying but don't you fuck head for some of us its more then that its a way of life its who we are.

Not me I'm way better then that!

Well Thats how you can survive these times but don't listen to me go out and find your own way to annoy people and please yourself when boredom and insanity hits just remember I told you so! (bow)

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Spit that chewy out

Life is like a box of chewing gum, you chew and chew but the flavor never lasts long then your left with a bad taste in you mouth and you know you can't keep chewing it for ever even tho you try and try. Sure there's a few bubbles along the way but they always burst.


Life is really fucked up I know I can't complain as I like it being fucked up but what really fucks me up are the people that say they are good but end up being worse then me, sure I get jealous that they don't even have to try and somehow the end up fucking my life up.


Well FUCK that if no one takes life seriousley then why should I? I'm sick of being nice and good just so I can get a head in life as it turns out that if you lie, steal, sell drugs or kill kittens for anything else other then fun then you end up being the manager of BP and rich and famous or some shit like that.


We all need to step back and look at the real bad people in the world they are not the murderers or the muggers or petty thieves, they are the church and the government. They are the real bad ass mutha fuckas as they go out there to fuck you in the ass on purpose but make it out that they are doing it for you!


Yes please big company can you please come and fuck me in the ass because I need fuel and smokes and fucking bread.


It is just bullshit that life is hard enough for people like you and me. When was the last time you made it threw a full day without something going wrong? NEVER because it doesn't happen unless your rich or someone from a government.


I think this is complete crap and I wont stand for it anymore. I'm not getting ass fucked again over shit.


Sorry to tell you people this but its how it is you can't change it so why try? well thats what they want you to think all you need to do is change the way you think and start telling everyone to fuck off. If you can't have a good day then why should they?


If we try hard enough then maybe one day the world will suck a little less but if we don't it will just suck more and the ass fuckings will get harder and they'll use no lube! I'm over it.

Don't get ass fucked!

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AHHHH spam not just ham in a can!

They bring crap to life and life to crap.



I've offended a few people with this blog and I'm proud of it and I guess spam is a part of every good revenge plot but come on! Spam? Thats just lame as fuck what ever happened to the good ole days of a horse head in your bed or killing someones family cause they dissed you moma and they don't know what they be talking about and you don't even know me so step back?



Every spam comment I recieve on this blog is a badge of honor for it means I have pissed off another person and changed someones life just enough that they feel they have to put links to everything on my website.


If you are a spammer then I feel sorry for you as all your time spamming this site has gone to waste as I find it interesting and informative and yes I am looking to find a site that offers me the best home loan deal and penis enlargers! (cheap viagra would be good too)



So as a sign that I still love you spammers and so all your hard work didn't go down the drain I will advise everyone to check out your awesome links to all your spam sites in the comment sections in previous posts.

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Proof I'm way better then religion

This shits hot

I'm a fucking fire fighter... kind of. I've just joined the 'rural fire brigade' and have no formal training and have passed a police check, go figure.But have already been to some big ass mo fo bush fires (its Australia) and its hot as hell. Who would of thought that fire would be hot and burns and causes ouchies?

Anyways its the best fun I've had with my clothes on and cant wait for the next fire so I can work my skills and save shit for some reason.

So yes I am like a hero and should be given money and LARGE amounts of praise and gifts because I'm like better then God or some shit but its all volunteer and I don't get given a red cent or any praise because the world is fucked up.

Yes even in rural Queensland AUS the man has got to the farmers and ferals living in the hills and scared the shit out of them and isolated their brains with netbooks and notebooks and i plops and email and blogs and fucking facebook and so now the spoken word seems trivial and archaic and 'outdated' when in fact its not facebook or myspace putting out the fires around your home. Its water on fire and good ole fashioned hard work so its only fitting that the reward be just as effective.

I suggest booze and a thank you or booze and no thank you will also do fine but in some cases acknowledgment is enough but hey this is what the world is coming to.

So all you farming ferals out there that have just had your house saved by my awesomeness then here is your chance to right your wrong and correct an injustice that has caused me anger and constipation.

For all thank yous and to organize a time for me to come over and pick up the beers and all over gifts then leave a message. I know its not myspace or facebook or whatever but if the only way you can communicate is threw txts and emails and technology then give it a fucking whirl!

I'm done.

This is funny!

P.S I'm not done yet. The rural fire fighters are the best bunch of people I have ever met. I thought there was no good left in this world until now. They put their own lives at risk to save yours so if you ever get the chance join a brigade do it, unless your a scared pussy that cant handle a challenge and cries a lot.

Now I'm done.

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