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Lick The Big Bone (Revised)

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

^ Another Guest Post Courtesy of Static

You can thank Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States (1801–1809), and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776), for starting what would become the largest collection of North American Mammoth fossil bones (in scientific speak that means, old massive pricks.) **No thanks to that wonderful duo, Lewis and Clark and their perverse expedition across America.**

History and science come together in this fascinating story of a woodland salt lick and how the fossilized Big Bones found there influenced the beginnings of paleontological pornography in America.

Located on Beaver Road and between the communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Snatch, Northern Kentucky's Big Bone Lick saline springs have nurtured man and animal for centuries, and the Big Bones of extinct mastodons, bison and other creatures are buried deep in there to prove it.

The park features several nature trails, including the Outdoor Museum of Big Bonin' with Discovery Trail (I'll let you decide what that means), complete with spurting springs - and everyone knows that Kentuckians love salty springs erupting from Big Bones, just as much as Georgians do.

Ever seen Deliverance?

We're all Georgians..well, sorta, not really. But we do have Big Bones. To the Gulag, Boris!

Biology Professor emeritus Eyema Hedonist, illuminates a time when the concept of extinction of the Big Bone was considered outrageous, if not downright blasphemous, since it contradicted the biblical doctrine of a perfect, unchanging Big Bone creation. The Big Bone Theory, if you will, was met with much criticism.

Early 18th-century Big Bone naturalists believed the Big Bones were remnants of some, get this: rare type of elephant dong, possibly even Asian elephant dongs that had somehow wandered into American forests.. let's just see how many hits those underlined search words get on Google. God knows I've had plenty for whale penis.

Thomas Jefferson used the Mammoth bones to refute the European idea that the New World environment was inferior and unable to grow large animals.

No doubt, this theory was unfounded.

These elephants got Big Bones.

**Big Bones
In RuneScape, or Run(Escape) as it is known in some circles; Big Bones are items associated with the skill prayer. Any RuneScape nerd knows Big Bones give 15 experience points when buried (we won't tell you where).

This is over three times as much experience as bones, making big bones an extremely popular method of training prayer in free-to-play (F2P). They are dropped by normally large monsters, such as any sorts of Giants (or elephants as pictured above), Giant Frogs, Ogres, your Wicked Stepmother etc.

Streisand wants Big Bone
Your Wicked Stepmother likes Big Bones
but she don't get none

The only free-to-play monsters that drop big bones are: hill giants, moss giants, ice giants, and your Wicked Stepmother.

Lately the price has been skyrocketing for big bones, most likely because of such high demand.

So dig deep if you wanna buy a Big Bone!**

**It's also common knowledge that porn stars like Big Bones. Just ask porn star Nikki Benz. She'll tell you all about her love for Big Bones. Poised for greatness, she can make Big Bones disappear before your very eyes. She has starred in plenty of Big Bone prone movies, and has plans to make many many more.

this cum dumpster probably haz teh aids
Nikki bends over backwards for Big Bones..
..the FREE couch also needs a new home and a good cleaning. Any takers?

The scumbucket porn industry is always seeking Big Bones to add to their collection. But since you don't have a Big Bone, you are excluded.**

Today Big Bone lies mostly in obscurity, much like this blogger's articles. However, with the advent of Viagra and Cialis, Big Bone may rise again. Long live Big Bone! The End.

big gay gwb bone

It's amazing what you can find on the 'interweb', said Jumbone Licker, If I were to surf the net more often, I'd totally do it nekkid!

You can find out more about this degenerate, obscure blog-tard and his mammoth Big Bone at the following links:

Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor
the Land of Arse
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

10 comments: August 19, 2009 at 10:06 AM  

Good blog.

~Static~ August 20, 2009 at 4:12 PM  


~Static~ August 25, 2009 at 12:22 AM  

Bad blog!
Very very bad blog!!!
**smacks it on the nose with a rolled up newspaper then PETA shows up and breaks my hands so I can't blog or smack things with newspapers anymore-

Skrib August 25, 2009 at 11:57 AM  

You are a God!! Sweet jesus! Hallelujah!

Tricia August 30, 2009 at 3:47 AM  

That was pretty disturbing in a good way. Very disgusting photos of the fat or "big boned elephants". Do you thing the big women could handle an elephant boner?

~Static~ September 3, 2009 at 3:43 AM  

@ Trisha - Why, are you interested in volunteering? =P

Chris Wood September 22, 2009 at 11:22 AM  

Thomas Jefferson boned Nikki Benz? Way to get, dead prez!

Static September 23, 2009 at 11:41 AM  

@ Chris Wood - Apparently.

Incidentally, your profile photo makes me randy.

Julio October 22, 2009 at 12:40 PM  

Hoooooooray!!!!! You're alive. And I see you have a partner. By "partner" you either mean a homosexual man-lover, or it's logical conclusion, a blind-retarded dog. Whichever, I love you all the same, you murderous, child-molesting clown, you!

Anonymous November 19, 2009 at 6:55 AM  

It is certainly interesting for me to read the post. Thanks for it. I like such topics and everything connected to them. I definitely want to read a bit more on that blog soon.

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