Yeah it seems like a good idea at the time

I'm 30 today and don't feel a day over 50 Some people may call me immature but all I have to say to that is I know you are but what am I?

 Ahhhh holidays I love them I also love sex (duh) so in the interest of science and all things wet and sticky I decided to mix the both up and have a dirty weekend away with the lady it seems like a good idea right? WRONG I went to far and now I'm in pain and not the good pain that comes from whips or clamps or an un-lubed butt plug for today I tried a sex pill!

sex pills are very popular and you do hear stories of how they can go wrong and give you a 24 hour hard on and I've heard the stories first hand from customers in the shop but I never thought it would happen to me. I popped this little over the counter herbal hard on in a pill around 2pm thinking it would give me a good afternoons worth of fun and it did for the first few hours but now it's 11am the next day and I can't even walk outside due to my third leg sticking out like a elephants trunk (yes I'm that big) and the throbbing has gotten to the point where my testicles are the size of grapefruits and almost the same color.

So I've tried the match trick , cold water, panadol, yelling and swearing at it and even slapping it around but that just made me more aroused so now I'm thinking fuck it I should just go with it and stick it in as many things as I can find, you know like random holes around the place play hide the wad for the next couple that stay in the unit they could turn on the spa bath and find them selves having a bath in my primordial sludge that is oozing from every water jet hole.

I'm all out of ideas and hoping posting this maybe some of you would have something I can try as the little lady is full and I really want to get outside and enjoy my birthday with a cold beer up the pub!

PLEASE FUCKING HELP!

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Spit that chewy out

Life is like a box of chewing gum, you chew and chew but the flavor never lasts long then your left with a bad taste in you mouth and you know you can't keep chewing it for ever even tho you try and try. Sure there's a few bubbles along the way but they always burst.


Life is really fucked up I know I can't complain as I like it being fucked up but what really fucks me up are the people that say they are good but end up being worse then me, sure I get jealous that they don't even have to try and somehow the end up fucking my life up.


Well FUCK that if no one takes life seriousley then why should I? I'm sick of being nice and good just so I can get a head in life as it turns out that if you lie, steal, sell drugs or kill kittens for anything else other then fun then you end up being the manager of BP and rich and famous or some shit like that.


We all need to step back and look at the real bad people in the world they are not the murderers or the muggers or petty thieves, they are the church and the government. They are the real bad ass mutha fuckas as they go out there to fuck you in the ass on purpose but make it out that they are doing it for you!


Yes please big company can you please come and fuck me in the ass because I need fuel and smokes and fucking bread.


It is just bullshit that life is hard enough for people like you and me. When was the last time you made it threw a full day without something going wrong? NEVER because it doesn't happen unless your rich or someone from a government.


I think this is complete crap and I wont stand for it anymore. I'm not getting ass fucked again over shit.


Sorry to tell you people this but its how it is you can't change it so why try? well thats what they want you to think all you need to do is change the way you think and start telling everyone to fuck off. If you can't have a good day then why should they?


If we try hard enough then maybe one day the world will suck a little less but if we don't it will just suck more and the ass fuckings will get harder and they'll use no lube! I'm over it.

Don't get ass fucked!

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Proof I'm way better then religion

This shits hot

I'm a fucking fire fighter... kind of. I've just joined the 'rural fire brigade' and have no formal training and have passed a police check, go figure.But have already been to some big ass mo fo bush fires (its Australia) and its hot as hell. Who would of thought that fire would be hot and burns and causes ouchies?

Anyways its the best fun I've had with my clothes on and cant wait for the next fire so I can work my skills and save shit for some reason.

So yes I am like a hero and should be given money and LARGE amounts of praise and gifts because I'm like better then God or some shit but its all volunteer and I don't get given a red cent or any praise because the world is fucked up.

Yes even in rural Queensland AUS the man has got to the farmers and ferals living in the hills and scared the shit out of them and isolated their brains with netbooks and notebooks and i plops and email and blogs and fucking facebook and so now the spoken word seems trivial and archaic and 'outdated' when in fact its not facebook or myspace putting out the fires around your home. Its water on fire and good ole fashioned hard work so its only fitting that the reward be just as effective.

I suggest booze and a thank you or booze and no thank you will also do fine but in some cases acknowledgment is enough but hey this is what the world is coming to.

So all you farming ferals out there that have just had your house saved by my awesomeness then here is your chance to right your wrong and correct an injustice that has caused me anger and constipation.

For all thank yous and to organize a time for me to come over and pick up the beers and all over gifts then leave a message. I know its not myspace or facebook or whatever but if the only way you can communicate is threw txts and emails and technology then give it a fucking whirl!

I'm done.

This is funny!

P.S I'm not done yet. The rural fire fighters are the best bunch of people I have ever met. I thought there was no good left in this world until now. They put their own lives at risk to save yours so if you ever get the chance join a brigade do it, unless your a scared pussy that cant handle a challenge and cries a lot.

Now I'm done.

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