Spit that chewy out

Life is like a box of chewing gum, you chew and chew but the flavor never lasts long then your left with a bad taste in you mouth and you know you can't keep chewing it for ever even tho you try and try. Sure there's a few bubbles along the way but they always burst.


Life is really fucked up I know I can't complain as I like it being fucked up but what really fucks me up are the people that say they are good but end up being worse then me, sure I get jealous that they don't even have to try and somehow the end up fucking my life up.


Well FUCK that if no one takes life seriousley then why should I? I'm sick of being nice and good just so I can get a head in life as it turns out that if you lie, steal, sell drugs or kill kittens for anything else other then fun then you end up being the manager of BP and rich and famous or some shit like that.


We all need to step back and look at the real bad people in the world they are not the murderers or the muggers or petty thieves, they are the church and the government. They are the real bad ass mutha fuckas as they go out there to fuck you in the ass on purpose but make it out that they are doing it for you!


Yes please big company can you please come and fuck me in the ass because I need fuel and smokes and fucking bread.


It is just bullshit that life is hard enough for people like you and me. When was the last time you made it threw a full day without something going wrong? NEVER because it doesn't happen unless your rich or someone from a government.


I think this is complete crap and I wont stand for it anymore. I'm not getting ass fucked again over shit.


Sorry to tell you people this but its how it is you can't change it so why try? well thats what they want you to think all you need to do is change the way you think and start telling everyone to fuck off. If you can't have a good day then why should they?


If we try hard enough then maybe one day the world will suck a little less but if we don't it will just suck more and the ass fuckings will get harder and they'll use no lube! I'm over it.

Don't get ass fucked!

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Madness at the Pumps

Gas prices are beginning to rise again. Ironic considering it dropped just before Thanksgiving here in the states long enough to trick some folks that blowing their Christmas bonuses on a new HDTV was a good idea.

You remember that movie Mad Max (it's awesome on a huge tv set) starring that Australian actor Mel "Passion of the Christ" Gibson, y'know gas is so precious that people are killing each other for it. It was set in the future -- I believe it's set in 2009.

At any price, gasoline can hurt more than your wallet, petroleum is a precious commodity. Did you know that: Gasoline is extremely flammable; It is harmful or fatal if swallowed; May be harmful if inhaled; May cause irritation; May be harmful if absorbed through the skin.

I learned all that while I was huffing some, then I doused myself in it and had a drink just for good measure. And then I lit up a cigarette, which was odd because I don't smoke, and yep sure enough gasoline is extremely flammable and fatal.

Fatal it is. Sniffing out the great peril lurking quietly in my gas container, I realized that not only the dangers of but the value of gasoline are not exaggerated, we're talking liquid gold here folks! You cannot, MUST NOT waste a single drop!

As a horrid example of the waste of gasoline, I give you this tragic accident that occurred the other day. A gas station exploded causing the loss of hundreds of gallons of gas. Was it some idiot that caused it by huffing some, then lighting up a stogie...oops, did I do that? Community members who didn't burn to death are struggling to accept the devastating loss of so much premium fuel. Have a look at the video.


Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gasoline




What a horrible tragedy, this event will certainly lead to rising gas prices and the downfall of humanity. But at least I can still get cheap burritos.


You can find out more about ass GAS explosions by visiting:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

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An Altnet Chatbot Moment

^ Another Guest Post Courtesy of Static

me - monkeying around on the web

So the other day I'm looking for free mp3's to download, yes, I said free.. what? are the feds going to come crashing through the door or something?





 Anyway I usually go to playlist.com but I did a Google search and came across this site that is listed as having free mp3 downloads right? So I click that link - you know I want my free mp3's dammit! Heeeell yeah. Shoot.


So anyway these bastards (I won't mention their name but it rhymes with Fault Net dot com... ok it's Altnet.com it's already in the title of this post) and they want like $20/mo, you can download unlimited music files, but I don't believe in paying for singles unless I'm buying an entire cd or a box set. Screw that noise. If it ain't free I don' wants it. Don't make me come ovah there bitch... Anyway I try to leave the site and a little window pops up, even though I have pop-up blocker in firefox that 'lil bastard got through! and a representative named Dana starts trying to chat with me. Ok, she's probably a bot. Annoying. So I decided to have a little fun of my own... and here's how that played out;

Dana Says: HEY DON’T GO! In addition to receiving Free music Downloads for 7 Days, we will even give you unlimited access to our 500,000 file ringtone catalogue as well! CLICK HERE now!

Dana Says: Just type 'HI' or 'Hello' in the space below to let me know you are there.

Dana Says: Hey! CLICK HERE to receive Unlimited Ringtone Downloads when you sign up for a 7 Day FREE Trial with Altnet right now!

You: Come mi culo?

Dana Says: This amazing offer is only available through this chat and for a limited time. CLICK HERE to take advantage of this deal.

You: mas panocha?

Dana Says: Keep in mind that if you sign up right now you will have access to Unlimited Ringtone Downloads! CLICK HERE to get started!

You: no lo tiene en inglés?

Dana Says: Remember, this offer for a Free Trial with Unlimited Ringtone Downloads is available through this chat only and for a limited time. It may not be available tomorrow. CLICK HERE to take advantage of this amazing offer.

You: ja ja ja ja ja ja!!!!

Dana Says: When you subscribe to an Altnet Unlimited Music package, you can download unlimited music files, and play those files on up to 3 PCs that you own.

You: no comprendo.

Dana Says: OK, Thank you for your time. To end the CHAT simply CLICK on the "X" in upper right.

You: do you speak spanish?

Dana Says: No, sorry, I only speak English :(

You: how about Tagalog? "Suck me, lick me, pretend I'm an ice cream cone." In Tagalog that means "Hi, how are you doing today?"

Dana Says: Let’s try to stay on point. You have nothing to lose. CLICK HERE to experience Altnet for FREE with a 7 Day Trial with Unlimited Ringtone Downloads!

You: what point? Ok, how about swedish? I'd like to experience YOU for FREE with a 7 Day Trial! Bork bork bork?! Swede babes are hawt yo. They got really pert titti....

Dana Says: I am sorry, I only have limited information. For more questions or information, please call us at (800) 401 1435 or CLICK HERE to contact customer service.

You: Alright, what else can you tell me about YOU?

Dana Says: I am sorry, I only have limited information. For more questions or information, please call us at (800) 401 1435 or CLICK HERE to contact customer service.

You: Dana, don't be modest, are you hawt?

You: What are you wearing... white silky underthangs? I bet you look really sexy in that skirt and tight blouse you're wearing today..... Hello?

(long pause)

Dana Says: Hi, thanks for chatting with me today... CLICK HERE to return to Altnet.com.

Dana Says: Altnet is a subscription-based service that gives you unlimited access to hundreds of thousands of CD-quality tracks.

Dana Says: For a flat monthly rate, you can download unlimited music files, and play those files on up to 3 PCs that you own.

You: Do you like garter belts? Whips, chains, jumper cables and car batteries?

Dana Says: Unlike other music services that charge you every time you download a song, Altnet allows you to listen to as much music as you want for one low monthly fee.

You: I have a great bondage site you should visit. I'd like to tie you up and spank your ample arse with my bare hands. Me love you long time!

Dana Says: This allows you to explore all the music you want without having to pay for every single track or album.

Dana Says: Don’t wait any longer and remember when you sign up today for our 7 Day Free Trial you will receive Unlimited Ringtone Downloads! CLICK HERE to take advantage of this deal right now!

You: I don't think I can wait any longer trust me. What about butt plugs, do you own one? I bet it's HUGE.

You: I own one the size of a watermelon and I'm UTILIZING it right now!

(another long pause)

You: Did I say something wrong? Damn, I think my prostate is swelling again. Helloooo?

You: Dana, don't go! You, me, jumper cables..butt plugs... sunset....

(really long pause)

You: Hello? Awwww! :(

 

Altnet.com chatbots hard at work

For more inane stuff visit: Krapsody 

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Brangelina's New Baby

Forget about the current immigration bill approved by the US Senate but loathed by Congressional Republicans.

Forget about the american political merry-go-round of Republicans defending corrupt Democrats because they think their arrest was unconstitutional.

Forget about the stupidity about English-only legislation while the United States still hasn't figured out what to do with their Spanish-speaking colony.

Forget about the Soul Patrol voter turn out or Duke's soulless women Lacrosse team.

Forget about chaos in East Timor or the Earthquake that shook Indonesia.

All we care about is Brangelina's new baby!
Now that the $400 million baby pictures are online, aren't you going to look at them?

Jumpin' Jehosephat. Wow, I can see why they fetch so much. Certainly the most hideous creature I've ever seen. That is circus sideshow freak material right there folks. "Step right up, step right up! See the 2-1/2-foot-tall vicious demon-child named Damo, it popped out of Brangelina's shared womb and ate the doctor's face in three seconds flat."

Hey, I think those pics could be a goldmine for some amateur photographer.
Congratulations Brangelina! Your child has a face so ugly that as a mother you won't know which end to put the diaper on. It looks like it crawled out from some subterranean abyss to brighten the lives of these long-suffering parents. The dentist may want to treat that thing by mail-order. Boy oh boy, just goes to show you, two beautiful people make one ugly baby... all that anticipation only to be one huge letdown in the looks department. Their child-beast certainly makes blindness a wonderful thing to look forward to.

Anyway. Life is too short to be depressed and ranting and raving all the time. Unless you're an Angry Clown. But with Brangelina for parents, breast feeding has to ease the tension some, yes?

p.s. TITS! Now I have your attention.

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Straight out of the Kats litter box

Well finally Kat from Kats Litter Box has finally recognized my greatness like everyone else in the world and she has given me an award kinda like my Hell Award but not, so you could say shes a copy...Kat ahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa anyways cheers Kat and heres ya link just click on the damn award ...meow baby.

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