Telemarketers iz teh Suck!

It's true! Do they suck? Yes, they suck poo spots and pubes off of toilet bowl rims.

I just got a phone call from Capital One the other day, that sounded like this (insert unconfident female voice here):

"Hello, this is Jenna from Capital One, looking for someone with the first initial J, last name Goldstein."

Now, right away, if I was named J. Goldstein, I'd know that this was not a personal call, and would probably hang up, but since my name is NOT J. Goldstein, and has not been for over 107 years, I informed her that she was looking at the wrong address. Her reply:

"Oh, I'm sorry. If you would like to learn more about Capital One, please go to our website at capital1.com."

At that very second, she should have been very thankful that I was usually a nice person to telemarketers and not particularly bored or mentally unstable that evening, because if I was a mean and a bored person, I imagine the conversation would have continued somewhat like this:

"Capital One dot com, you said?"
"Yes, sir, Capital One."
"So, that would be an exclamation mark?"
"Excuse me?"
"An exclamation mark. If I am trying to make a capital letter on my keyboard, I use the Shift key, but if I tried to make a capital 1, it would come out as an exclamation mark."
"Um... no, sir, the website has the actual word 'capital'."
"Ohhh... so it's the word 'capital', and then an exclamation mark?"
"No exclamation mark, just 'capital' and then 'one'."
"Is that the number 1 or the word 'one'. It's a little hard to tell over the phone."
"It doesn't matter, sir, they both take you to the same place."
"So should I put a capital on the letter O in 'one'? Or would that be 'capital capital one'?"
"Uh..."
"Or I could put a capital in front of both the 'capital' and the 'one', and then it would be 'capital capital capital one'."
"Sir, there is only ONE "CAPITAL" in Capital One!"
"One-Capital-dot-com, got it."
"NO! The Capital comes first!"
"And then an exclamation mark after it?"
"NO EXCLAMATION MARKS ARE NECESSARY!!!"
"Really? Because if this conversation were being written down, I'm sure the last few things you said would have had exclamation marks."
...dial tone...


Click the button for the most mentally unstable Angry Clown way to deal with a telemarketer.

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Brangelina's New Baby

Forget about the current immigration bill approved by the US Senate but loathed by Congressional Republicans.

Forget about the american political merry-go-round of Republicans defending corrupt Democrats because they think their arrest was unconstitutional.

Forget about the stupidity about English-only legislation while the United States still hasn't figured out what to do with their Spanish-speaking colony.

Forget about the Soul Patrol voter turn out or Duke's soulless women Lacrosse team.

Forget about chaos in East Timor or the Earthquake that shook Indonesia.

All we care about is Brangelina's new baby!
Now that the $400 million baby pictures are online, aren't you going to look at them?

Jumpin' Jehosephat. Wow, I can see why they fetch so much. Certainly the most hideous creature I've ever seen. That is circus sideshow freak material right there folks. "Step right up, step right up! See the 2-1/2-foot-tall vicious demon-child named Damo, it popped out of Brangelina's shared womb and ate the doctor's face in three seconds flat."

Hey, I think those pics could be a goldmine for some amateur photographer.
Congratulations Brangelina! Your child has a face so ugly that as a mother you won't know which end to put the diaper on. It looks like it crawled out from some subterranean abyss to brighten the lives of these long-suffering parents. The dentist may want to treat that thing by mail-order. Boy oh boy, just goes to show you, two beautiful people make one ugly baby... all that anticipation only to be one huge letdown in the looks department. Their child-beast certainly makes blindness a wonderful thing to look forward to.

Anyway. Life is too short to be depressed and ranting and raving all the time. Unless you're an Angry Clown. But with Brangelina for parents, breast feeding has to ease the tension some, yes?

p.s. TITS! Now I have your attention.

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Straight out of the Kats litter box

Well finally Kat from Kats Litter Box has finally recognized my greatness like everyone else in the world and she has given me an award kinda like my Hell Award but not, so you could say shes a copy...Kat ahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa anyways cheers Kat and heres ya link just click on the damn award ...meow baby.

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