Doodle Don'ts

WOW I'll never be the same after that post, thank you Static for opening my eyes to the world of sea creature fetishes I thought I was the only one it feels good to know theres more like me out there! Keep em coming !

Now in other news my weekend adventure to the local river for a swim came unstuck when I found my balls were actually very much alive, contrary to popular belief, and also scared of cold water this would not of usually been a problem until the rope hanging from a tree decided to kidnap my pants underwear and all when a bomb dive went horribly wrong.


First reports claim that several small children were mentally and irreversibly damaged when my never parts (I call them that because they've never been touched by a women) emerged from the river wearing nothing more then a small length of seaweed which actually covered a lot.

A few small trees were injured at the horrific scene when I scrambled for branches to hide my shame unfortunately one of those branches contained the dreaded itchy grub which made my life over the next few hours a itchy hell. Although the swelling did make me look bigger the redness and itching did not look good like a half inflated red balloon that had been filled with jelly.

It took a a while for my friends and the rest of the world to stop laughing and retrieve my pants from the tree of destiny by which time I had retreated to my car never to venture back out into the river until a certain amount of ball scratching and alcoholic beverage had been consumed.

In the end everything worked out, we had a laugh and a massive rash to keep me entertained for the rest of the weekend. This was a major turning point in the way I wear clothes and the amount of piss I take when I go swimming this shall never happen again, I swear by the power of gray skull.