Tuesday, August 19, 2008
It's true! Do they suck? Yes, they suck poo spots and pubes off of toilet bowl rims.
I just got a phone call from Capital One the other day, that sounded like this (insert unconfident female voice here):
"Hello, this is Jenna from Capital One, looking for someone with the first initial J, last name Goldstein."
Now, right away, if I was named J. Goldstein, I'd know that this was not a personal call, and would probably hang up, but since my name is NOT J. Goldstein, and has not been for over 107 years, I informed her that she was looking at the wrong address. Her reply:
"Oh, I'm sorry. If you would like to learn more about Capital One, please go to our website at capital1.com."
At that very second, she should have been very thankful that I was usually a nice person to telemarketers and not particularly bored or mentally unstable that evening, because if I was a mean and a bored person, I imagine the conversation would have continued somewhat like this:
"Capital One dot com, you said?"
"Yes, sir, Capital One."
"So, that would be an exclamation mark?"
"An exclamation mark. If I am trying to make a capital letter on my keyboard, I use the Shift key, but if I tried to make a capital 1, it would come out as an exclamation mark."
"Um... no, sir, the website has the actual word 'capital'."
"Ohhh... so it's the word 'capital', and then an exclamation mark?"
"No exclamation mark, just 'capital' and then 'one'."
"Is that the number 1 or the word 'one'. It's a little hard to tell over the phone."
"It doesn't matter, sir, they both take you to the same place."
"So should I put a capital on the letter O in 'one'? Or would that be 'capital capital one'?"
"Or I could put a capital in front of both the 'capital' and the 'one', and then it would be 'capital capital capital one'."
"Sir, there is only ONE "CAPITAL" in Capital One!"
"One-Capital-dot-com, got it."
"NO! The Capital comes first!"
"And then an exclamation mark after it?"
"NO EXCLAMATION MARKS ARE NECESSARY!!!"
"Really? Because if this conversation were being written down, I'm sure the last few things you said would have had exclamation marks."
Click the button for the most mentally unstable Angry Clown way to deal with a telemarketer.