Monday, September 1, 2008
There s nothing worse than the coveted fart and sneeze. Unless it's the wretched gas bubble in closed spaces or serene settings and just when you can't hold it any longer you try to let it squeak out not only slowly but quietly and it just rushes out causing your buttcheeks to flap together and it ends up being an earthshaking loud fart. So embarassing. Almost as embarassing as taking a crap and not having any toilet paper nor anyone one around to help you. Which is almost as embarassing as having to fart and having to piss like a race horse at the same time, that is the worst next to having to fart so you let it rip and you end up sharting which is only surpassed by having diarrhea and feeling like you have to go really bad but there is not a single bathroom or bush closeby, so you end up going in your pants. Awkward. What do you do?
Or if you're a guy and sitting in a chair at a certain angle, wearing shorts and boxers, accidentally exposing frank &/or beans. Has that ever happened to you? Awkward. What do you do?
Or what if you have a female coworker who has a beard. and it isn't a few whiffs of hair, it's like a full goatee almost like Abe Lincoln's. And you all go for lunch at a pizza resturant sitting opposite to said woman who also is quite overweight. Her pizza arrives first and she immediately attacks it like it's hand-to-hand combat. After the first attack on her meal she raises her head to talk with the rest of us who are still waiting for our food and a strand of cheese about four inches long is hanging from her chin whiskers. She doesn't notice and no one else says anything. Just how do you tell a woman there is a strand of cheese hanging off their beard? Should you say something or wait for five minutes, a near eternity in toe cringing 'don't look/must look' time for gravity to take effect? Awkward. What do you do?
What's your most awkward moment?