Tuesday, November 4, 2008
"From there, I drove to St. Paulie's Catholic Church. I went in, talked to the priest for hours and couldn't believe the obvious crap he was trying to push on me. I walked out, more than a little perturbed that he was trying to convince me that every sperm is sacred and should only be used for making babies. I told him he was ignorant, threw a couple balls of lint from my pocket in the the church donation basket and walked out.
"I was so angry, I went out to the front of his church and changed the letters on the church marquee so that it would convey a more meaningful message.
"Still, I didn't lose hope. I got back inside the car, as the priest came running outside, shouting profanities and went back out onto the road.
"A few hours later and I turned into the driveway of Twin Lakes Lutheran Church. Frustrated, I went inside and talked to the minister. He blathered on and on, telling me that Lutherans believe that every word in the bible is the exact word of God. I explained that it was impossible for that to be true since the bible was written by a buttload of different people at different times with different perspectives on what they had experienced or heard, secondhandedly. Of course, I left, afterwards.
"Out of gloom and spite for this minister's blind ignorance, I changed up the words on their church sign, as well. It made me feel a little bit better. Especially, after I went back inside the church and pissed on the blessed carpeting
"But ya know, I continued my journey in search of a new religion for the following weeks and I've come to the following conclusion."
Damo looked into his friend's eyes and asked, "What's that?"
"That all organized religion is bullshit," declared Kelly.
Damo said, "Ya got that right, dude."
Damo suddenly demanded, "Hey, meet me at my place tomorrow night. I've got another quest in mind for the both of us. Something you'll like." It was Damo's turn to laugh evilly. Kelly smiled, in anticipation. Whatever Damo had planned, he was sure he would be more than happy to be a part of it.
Damo got his back off the car and walked toward the door of Gina's house. Kelly heard him say, "But first I got some business to attend to." More laughter followed.