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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I am Going to Hell, GTH, and Number 2: My Lack of Compassion

While relieving the four beers and the beef Burrito I ate at 2am today, my attention moved from absolute stench of the moment to a crime related headline in the newspaper.

“Death row inmate: I'm too fat to execute”

In Columbus, Ohio a death row inmate named Richard Cooey, 41, says he is too fat to be executed after raping and murdering two young women in 1986.

The article centers on the possibility that the fat ass will have pain during his execution because it is difficult to find his veins due to his oversized carcass. His trophy to gluttony makes it difficult to deliver enough anesthesia to reduce the pain from the lethal injection that would be used to kill him.

Instead of taking his plea for leniency and showing him some compassion I go into a rant:

You fuckin fat bastard, if you didn’t spend your time eating lard and cheese sandwiches, you may have given a woman an opportunity to give you a little sexual pleasure before your crime spree.

But NO, you take the hard road to pleasure and rape and murder women in desperation.

Then after all that, you want us to give you a pass, because you are still a fat bastard and we will not be able to find your veins?

Wrong answer. Here are your options:

1. Go on a rice cake and water diet until you can lose enough weight so we can administer the anesthesia so your fat worthless ass will not feel the pain of death; OR

2. We stick you fat ass into a guillotine and cut your head off, then you can eat to your heart’s content without gaining any weight.

You have 30 days to choose a method, if you fail to comply, we will just put a shotgun in your mouth and blow your head off!

Related: GTH-Courtesy – No. 1


Damian (666) August 6, 2008 at 9:16 PM  

Thats crazy! If a ever do a crime I'll make sure I put on the weight first!

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