Angry Clown Hate Mail

Since I've been a guest contributor for Angry Clown, I receive a few hate mails on occasion. They usually end up berating me for making fun of everything under the sun, which includes of all things...clowns.

Never mind my vicious attacks on overweight-bearded women that smell of limburger cheese, ass-raping politicians that don't lube ya up before doing the deed, and taint-sucking telemarketers that call you repeatedly at 3 am. Okay, they're fucking clowns too, but different from any regular run-of-the-mill clown.

Glad we got that cleared up.

This is but one example that I have received about my contribution to the site (or certain aspects of it). I don't even think it warrants a response, but I guess this ass clown was determined to get SOMETHING out of me... so instead of an email reply I will instead mock him in front of an audience for the uberlulz. Personally, I think this guy is a complete whacko. I'll let you come to your own conclusions.

Dearest most-est wonderful Static:


My name is Pogo the Clown. While searching the internet for links to clowning-related pages, I was confronted with the GODDAMN Angry Clown page, and to say the least, I was extremely offended by your writings... fucko. Now WAIT--before you go off and take this as a complete complaint, I want you to know that I KNOW you have (1) the right to expression, and (2) the right, frankly, to not like clowns. But literally thousands of children DO like clowns, and search for the word "Clowns" every day.


Truth be told: it's hurting my business (which includes birthday parties, mitzvahs, and Strip-O-Grams), and and I'm running out of children, especially boys, to "entertain". While you do have the right to expression, you do not have the right to slanderize the entire clowning industry, nor any particular "clown" therein.


I might agree with you on some of the things on your page--but that picture of the clown tied up on the train tracks? I think that is an extremely poor use of judgement on your part. I would have complained about that myself much sooner if I knew.


Any way, what you are doing is EXTREMELY detrimental to the art of clowning. Thus, I would ask you to please remove all detrimental and/or destructive graphics and materials from your page. I don't think we have to elaborate on what is opinion and what is destructive--good common sense tells us both that.


I have contacted Google on the content of your page, Yahoo! about the link to your site, as well as the companies from which you have received your awards, as well as the WGN Broadcasting company concerning your graphics. Please do not take this personally; but the content of your writing and the Angry Clown web pages are more than just an opinion--it is a complete display of hatred toward the art of clowning.


If you wish to contact me, you may do so at JWGacy@gmailz.com.
Thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation.


John Wayne Gacy
Pogo Enterprises


p.s. if you are ever in the Chicago area, feel free to stop by my house. Just let yourself into the basement, grab a ghb laced beer and make yourself at home.

 Gee, that was stirring. John included this rather interesting photo of himself. This image might look quite innocent, but the person under the clown make-up and Pogo persona, is none other than John Wayne Gacy. It's true. He was not really executed. It was all faked. Don't you know by now that bureaucracy makes sharpening a pencil a monumental and expensive task? It was far cheaper and easier to let him go, and then relocate him several times.

To know that this 'man' raped and murdered at least 33 young men and was a known clown is enough to make my skin crawl. No, not every clown is a murderous, sick human. But if anybody out there is wondering where my opinions of the man come from, take a look and just try to imagine... being subjected to extreme sodomy, getting murdered, and then buried in a crawl space next to dozens of other rotting corpses, by an Angry Clown like Pogo.


So, as the master of ready wit and stunning repartee, my response to you John, (a.k.a. Pogo) is simply...
Fuck off you red-nosed buggering bastard.


For more excrement and half-witted commentary visit: Krapsody

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Let's Hear it For Beer!

Sun. Oct. 26, 2008

Beer serves another useful purpose, as you will find out in this story.

Boise, Idaho (Krapsody) - An off duty prison guard on a Halloween party beer run, smacked an armed robber over the head with a six-pack, putting down a robbery at a gas station convenience store.

According to video evidence and police investigations, the armed robber entered the convenience store around 10:00 p.m., waving what appeared to be a large black rubber dildo in the air.

After what seemed to be an exchange of words with the cashier, a man dressed up as Batman (the off duty prison guard) came running up behind the robber and smacked him over the head with the six-pack.

Once the robber was knocked unconscious, the off duty prison guard and a customer dressed up as Robin, who also witnessed the event, then pulled famous internet gags on their assailant, such as "the beer bottle outline" and "face paint the drunk".


Robin, used his camera phone and took photographs of the perpetrator. The Dynamic Duo uploaded them to the internet for gratuitous LAWLZ, until police arrived thirty minutes later (names of customers are being withheld to protect their identities).

The off duty prison guard claims, "It all happened so fast man. Thank the lord for Budweiser tall boys in a can and even more thanks for that thirty minutes we had to take all them pictures!"

The officers revived the robber by opening a Slim Jim under his nose, much like smelling salts. The robber jolted up finally, then upon seeing his reflection in the windows, freaked out and slapped one of the officers in the neck. He was eventually subdued and taken to police headquarters for hosing down and processing.


James Bridges, 46, is charged with robbery, and assault and battery upon an officer. He is also charged with being the ugliest man alive in 2008. The black rubber dildo was not found at the scene. Although after a full body cavity search, the body of Jimmy Hoffa was found in Mr. Bridge's colon. BONUS!

"We would never want anyone to risk their own safety, but this is a case where two citizens, acting quickly and decisively literally caught a criminal," Boise Police Lt. Ron Winegar said in a prepared statement, "and we discovered the body of Jimmy Hoffa in the process. I guess this is a closed case," he added.


Amazingly, the two heroes didn't even know each other before dressing up as Batman and Robin. Now, these two should definitely throw back a few cold brews together. And maybe have the usual homoerotic adventure in the "Batcave", just like their "anonymously gay" heroes did.


This Story Brought To You By:

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When Clowns Go Off the dEEP eND

25 Ways to Cope with Stress

1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.

2. Use your Mastercard to pay for your Visa, and vice-versa.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

5. When someone says "Have a nice day" tell them you have other plans.

6. Dance naked in front of your pets.

7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him/her to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.

8. Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

9. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.

10. Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.

11. Tattoo "out for lunch" on your forehead.

12. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.

13. Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's husband/wife.

14. Pay your electric bill in 5 cent pieces.

15. Drive to work in reverse.

16. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

17. Tell your boss to "blow it out of your mule", and let him figure it out.

18. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.

19. Polish your car with earwax.

20. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

21. Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

22. Braid the hairs in each nostril.

23. Write a short story with alphabet soup.

24. Stare at people through gaps of a fork and pretend they are in jail.

25. Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.



And be sure to visit the Angry Clown and Krapsody daily!

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GTH-Compassion

I am Going to Hell, GTH, and Number 2: My Lack of Compassion



While relieving the four beers and the beef Burrito I ate at 2am today, my attention moved from absolute stench of the moment to a crime related headline in the newspaper.



“Death row inmate: I'm too fat to execute”



In Columbus, Ohio a death row inmate named Richard Cooey, 41, says he is too fat to be executed after raping and murdering two young women in 1986.



The article centers on the possibility that the fat ass will have pain during his execution because it is difficult to find his veins due to his oversized carcass. His trophy to gluttony makes it difficult to deliver enough anesthesia to reduce the pain from the lethal injection that would be used to kill him.


Instead of taking his plea for leniency and showing him some compassion I go into a rant:

You fuckin fat bastard, if you didn’t spend your time eating lard and cheese sandwiches, you may have given a woman an opportunity to give you a little sexual pleasure before your crime spree.


But NO, you take the hard road to pleasure and rape and murder women in desperation.

Then after all that, you want us to give you a pass, because you are still a fat bastard and we will not be able to find your veins?


Wrong answer. Here are your options:

1. Go on a rice cake and water diet until you can lose enough weight so we can administer the anesthesia so your fat worthless ass will not feel the pain of death; OR


2. We stick you fat ass into a guillotine and cut your head off, then you can eat to your heart’s content without gaining any weight.


You have 30 days to choose a method, if you fail to comply, we will just put a shotgun in your mouth and blow your head off!

Related: GTH-Courtesy – No. 1

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