Be cool

Let's Hear it For Beer!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sun. Oct. 26, 2008

Beer serves another useful purpose, as you will find out in this story.

Boise, Idaho (Krapsody) - An off duty prison guard on a Halloween party beer run, smacked an armed robber over the head with a six-pack, putting down a robbery at a gas station convenience store.

According to video evidence and police investigations, the armed robber entered the convenience store around 10:00 p.m., waving what appeared to be a large black rubber dildo in the air.

After what seemed to be an exchange of words with the cashier, a man dressed up as Batman (the off duty prison guard) came running up behind the robber and smacked him over the head with the six-pack.

Once the robber was knocked unconscious, the off duty prison guard and a customer dressed up as Robin, who also witnessed the event, then pulled famous internet gags on their assailant, such as "the beer bottle outline" and "face paint the drunk".

convenience store robber caught
Robin, used his camera phone and took photographs of the perpetrator. The Dynamic Duo uploaded them to the internet for gratuitous LAWLZ, until police arrived thirty minutes later (names of customers are being withheld to protect their identities).

The off duty prison guard claims, "It all happened so fast man. Thank the lord for Budweiser tall boys in a can and even more thanks for that thirty minutes we had to take all them pictures!"

The officers revived the robber by opening a Slim Jim under his nose, much like smelling salts. The robber jolted up finally, then upon seeing his reflection in the windows, freaked out and slapped one of the officers in the neck. He was eventually subdued and taken to police headquarters for hosing down and processing.

ugliest man alive 2008
James Bridges, 46, is charged with robbery, and assault and battery upon an officer. He is also charged with being the ugliest man alive in 2008. The black rubber dildo was not found at the scene. Although after a full body cavity search, the body of Jimmy Hoffa was found in Mr. Bridge's colon. BONUS!

"We would never want anyone to risk their own safety, but this is a case where two citizens, acting quickly and decisively literally caught a criminal," Boise Police Lt. Ron Winegar said in a prepared statement, "and we discovered the body of Jimmy Hoffa in the process. I guess this is a closed case," he added.

batman and robin the anonymously gay duo
Amazingly, the two heroes didn't even know each other before dressing up as Batman and Robin. Now, these two should definitely throw back a few cold brews together. And maybe have the usual homoerotic adventure in the "Batcave", just like their "anonymously gay" heroes did.


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5 comments:

Damian (666) October 27, 2008 at 3:13 PM  

YAY BEER !!! woooo I knew beer would save the day eventually, it just needed a chance!

~Static~ October 29, 2008 at 2:01 AM  

Beer, and don't forget, the anonymously gay duo.

"To the Batcave, Robin."

"Holy homoerotic action, Batman!"

Jeffman October 29, 2008 at 7:51 AM  

So that's what happened to Hoffa. Nice crimefighting, people.

All bow down before the beer!

~Static~ November 1, 2008 at 12:41 AM  

Dear Beer,

Please bring me more beer.

k thx bye!

Sincerely,

St. Pauli Girl

Kelly November 3, 2008 at 12:28 PM  

Thank goodness for beer! If it weren't for beer, I wouldn't have married my wife and then lived this wonderful life full of continous nagging and giving her constant reassurance that her butt isn't too big. Now 'scuse me while I pop open another brewski.

Good post, Static. :)

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