How To Steal An American Election

Things each candidate must know in order to become president of the United States

1.) Obama's new strategy is simple. Get breast implants.






Obama tells America exactly what's on his mind.

2.) I think it's an obvious choice for McCain to become a black female in order to win the most votes.





McCain shows America exactly what's on his mind.

3.) Finally, get rid of your running mates. Biden and Palin are a couple of twits.

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Why You Should Vote Republican

Stay tuned for more krap©

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When Clowns Go Off the dEEP eND

25 Ways to Cope with Stress

1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.

2. Use your Mastercard to pay for your Visa, and vice-versa.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

5. When someone says "Have a nice day" tell them you have other plans.

6. Dance naked in front of your pets.

7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him/her to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.

8. Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

9. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.

10. Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.

11. Tattoo "out for lunch" on your forehead.

12. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.

13. Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's husband/wife.

14. Pay your electric bill in 5 cent pieces.

15. Drive to work in reverse.

16. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

17. Tell your boss to "blow it out of your mule", and let him figure it out.

18. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.

19. Polish your car with earwax.

20. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

21. Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

22. Braid the hairs in each nostril.

23. Write a short story with alphabet soup.

24. Stare at people through gaps of a fork and pretend they are in jail.

25. Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.



And be sure to visit the Angry Clown and Krapsody daily!

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Brangelina's New Baby

Forget about the current immigration bill approved by the US Senate but loathed by Congressional Republicans.

Forget about the american political merry-go-round of Republicans defending corrupt Democrats because they think their arrest was unconstitutional.

Forget about the stupidity about English-only legislation while the United States still hasn't figured out what to do with their Spanish-speaking colony.

Forget about the Soul Patrol voter turn out or Duke's soulless women Lacrosse team.

Forget about chaos in East Timor or the Earthquake that shook Indonesia.

All we care about is Brangelina's new baby!
Now that the $400 million baby pictures are online, aren't you going to look at them?

Jumpin' Jehosephat. Wow, I can see why they fetch so much. Certainly the most hideous creature I've ever seen. That is circus sideshow freak material right there folks. "Step right up, step right up! See the 2-1/2-foot-tall vicious demon-child named Damo, it popped out of Brangelina's shared womb and ate the doctor's face in three seconds flat."

Hey, I think those pics could be a goldmine for some amateur photographer.
Congratulations Brangelina! Your child has a face so ugly that as a mother you won't know which end to put the diaper on. It looks like it crawled out from some subterranean abyss to brighten the lives of these long-suffering parents. The dentist may want to treat that thing by mail-order. Boy oh boy, just goes to show you, two beautiful people make one ugly baby... all that anticipation only to be one huge letdown in the looks department. Their child-beast certainly makes blindness a wonderful thing to look forward to.

Anyway. Life is too short to be depressed and ranting and raving all the time. Unless you're an Angry Clown. But with Brangelina for parents, breast feeding has to ease the tension some, yes?

p.s. TITS! Now I have your attention.

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Crabs Only Itch When You're Angry

While The Angry Dolphin peeps on Slave crabs slaving away in the evil crab slave volcano, I had a wild thought and a wild moment with my clown.

So on this particular evening when I was alone and playing with my clown I suddenly heard a knock at the door. I cleaned up quickly, quicker than I ever had before and hurried to see who was there. Why it was my good friends Buffy, Willow, and their friend Riley, and their friends friends Anya, Xander and Giles!

Static: Wow! Hay guyz wutz goin on, LULZ! (wipes sticky hand on half open bath robe)

Buffy: Okay, you get Fang, I'll get Horny. I mean... Vampire-Demon tag team. Who says we can't all get along? Vamps hate demons. It's like stripes and polka-dots. Major clashing. I mean it now - first thing in the morning, we go tell Giles.

Riley: First thing. Good plan.

Static: Horny? Hooooowee! Yo so nasty girrl!

Xander: Anyways, they'll probably be too busy flirting with every other girl at the party to even notice you.

Static: Party? There's a partee man?!

Anya: So, you don't think I'm desirable enough to be flirted with? Is that it?

Static: Huh, WTF... I think ur like totally hawt! (rubs nipple) Partay partay! Hey!

Xander: I'm just not gonna win here, am I? (pauses - looks frustrated... sexually frustrated perhaps)

Xander: We've gone other nights without sex.

Static: You poor fool, if I were with her I'd have nailed her by now.

Anya: I know. Twice!

Static: I know.. RIGHT?!

Xander: Dude, I think she was talkin' to me. Who is this guy? Nice hair man. Sheesh! (rolls eyes) Anyway, Anya, there's a lot more to you and me than the sex. Well, there should be.

Static: Uhhhhh, what else should there be?

Anya: I don't understand. I'm pretty, I'm young. Why didn't you take advantage of me? Is there something wrong with your body?

Xander: There's nothing wrong with my body.

Static: Pffft! Peshaw, yeah..like omg, right! Dude man, you're so ghey.

Anya: (laughs) Well, there must be somethin' wrong with your body. I saw that wrinkled man on TV talking about erectile dysfunction and -

Xander: Whoa! Hey! All systems go, here. No function problem, okay? You want sex? Let's have sex. Right here! Hot, sweaty, big sex!

Static: Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about! I'm ready! Let's do this! Right here? Or in the kitchen... on the floor???!! (starts to take off robe)

(Everyone gasps and looks away - then a moment of complete silence)

Static: What?

Giles: (looks around at everyone) So... the two of them were working as a team?

Buffy: Everything except giving each other little pats on the behind.

Static: YEAH BABY THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT! (throws robe over Xander's head and jumps Buffy)



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