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Forget everything you thought you knew

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Ever wonder why the Church is so secretive about all that Gawd stuff and why you've never seen Gawd or chatted with him but members of the church seem to be able to hold an hour long conversation with Jebus?

So I've been thinking long and hard, ok so I haven't and I'm winging this whole post but I'm sure I'll come up with some good points.

In my opinion we are not being told the full story about you know who and I think its my responsibility, NO my "calling" to make up crap and pass it off as fact because you need to know!


Jesus was actually a male prostitute not unlike Duece Bigalow male gigolo. The "lost" scriptures describe Jesus as being "that fucking whore who is gunna get pimp slapped upside the head if he doesn't pay me". I bet ya didn't know that!

The church has always known this and has even created rumors and lies about Jesus getting it on with a female prostitute known as Marry Magdalene (The Da Vinci Code) to throw us off the trail.

Very clever it almost worked until I uncovered the truth while searching threw some random dudes house, ah for a lost puppy, I found the lost scripture of "Fondleme Bits", his street name.

The scripture tells of sodomy and donkeys dicks, it reads like an ancient fetish porno that not even I would repeat on here!

"Yeah put that big cross in my ass and slap my face you fucking Jew" "forget the lube my ass is like a train tunnel" -Fondleme Bits 12:67
Ok so I guess I would.

So the next time you go to church ask the dude in charge about these shocking revelations, I'm sure you will be surprised with the reply!

4 comments:

Kelly November 20, 2008 at 2:06 PM  

Wow, you can really learn a lot from those lost scriptures. I had no idea Jesus jerked donkeys off and then took the cum and made wine and then took a big healthy dump and transformed the steaming pile of shit into bread.

Imagine that. Gee.

~Static~ November 20, 2008 at 2:39 PM  

@Kelly - Yummy...

@Damo - Positively sinful. You heathen, you philistine. You will surely burn in Hell... with Jesus' foot buried in your train-tunnel-sized-ass and a syphilitic donkey donger down your throat. =D Send pics.

Damian (666) November 21, 2008 at 12:14 AM  

@ Kelly Hell yeah we could learn heaps from the lost scriptures, in fact I think I might find some more soon! Yes pile of shit bread was his thang dawg.

@ Static I plan on going to hell, foot or no foot I don't care lol.

~Static~ November 21, 2008 at 9:19 AM  

@Damo - Atta boy!

Now follow the link below and read just what else may be in store for you in hell:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/God_hates_fags

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