Proof I'm way better then religion

This shits hot

I'm a fucking fire fighter... kind of. I've just joined the 'rural fire brigade' and have no formal training and have passed a police check, go figure.But have already been to some big ass mo fo bush fires (its Australia) and its hot as hell. Who would of thought that fire would be hot and burns and causes ouchies?

Anyways its the best fun I've had with my clothes on and cant wait for the next fire so I can work my skills and save shit for some reason.

So yes I am like a hero and should be given money and LARGE amounts of praise and gifts because I'm like better then God or some shit but its all volunteer and I don't get given a red cent or any praise because the world is fucked up.

Yes even in rural Queensland AUS the man has got to the farmers and ferals living in the hills and scared the shit out of them and isolated their brains with netbooks and notebooks and i plops and email and blogs and fucking facebook and so now the spoken word seems trivial and archaic and 'outdated' when in fact its not facebook or myspace putting out the fires around your home. Its water on fire and good ole fashioned hard work so its only fitting that the reward be just as effective.

I suggest booze and a thank you or booze and no thank you will also do fine but in some cases acknowledgment is enough but hey this is what the world is coming to.

So all you farming ferals out there that have just had your house saved by my awesomeness then here is your chance to right your wrong and correct an injustice that has caused me anger and constipation.

For all thank yous and to organize a time for me to come over and pick up the beers and all over gifts then leave a message. I know its not myspace or facebook or whatever but if the only way you can communicate is threw txts and emails and technology then give it a fucking whirl!

I'm done.

This is funny!

P.S I'm not done yet. The rural fire fighters are the best bunch of people I have ever met. I thought there was no good left in this world until now. They put their own lives at risk to save yours so if you ever get the chance join a brigade do it, unless your a scared pussy that cant handle a challenge and cries a lot.

Now I'm done.

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Forget everything you thought you knew

Ever wonder why the Church is so secretive about all that Gawd stuff and why you've never seen Gawd or chatted with him but members of the church seem to be able to hold an hour long conversation with Jebus?

So I've been thinking long and hard, ok so I haven't and I'm winging this whole post but I'm sure I'll come up with some good points.

In my opinion we are not being told the full story about you know who and I think its my responsibility, NO my "calling" to make up crap and pass it off as fact because you need to know!


Jesus was actually a male prostitute not unlike Duece Bigalow male gigolo. The "lost" scriptures describe Jesus as being "that fucking whore who is gunna get pimp slapped upside the head if he doesn't pay me". I bet ya didn't know that!

The church has always known this and has even created rumors and lies about Jesus getting it on with a female prostitute known as Marry Magdalene (The Da Vinci Code) to throw us off the trail.

Very clever it almost worked until I uncovered the truth while searching threw some random dudes house, ah for a lost puppy, I found the lost scripture of "Fondleme Bits", his street name.

The scripture tells of sodomy and donkeys dicks, it reads like an ancient fetish porno that not even I would repeat on here!

"Yeah put that big cross in my ass and slap my face you fucking Jew" "forget the lube my ass is like a train tunnel" -Fondleme Bits 12:67

Ok so I guess I would.

So the next time you go to church ask the dude in charge about these shocking revelations, I'm sure you will be surprised with the reply!

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Its a angry clown kinda christmas.

If your good you can have this!

Its getting close to Xmas and I thought I'd jump the gun and write about the angry clown Xmas way after all you will need some time to plan! Xmas or the birth of a turd called Jebus (we don't use his real name around here) happened according to some book around 2008 years ago when a "virgin" was raped and gave birth to Gods son, yes she was spoon fed how mythical, she even had a husband! What is that commandment, "thy shall not fuck some dudes misses and get her prego" but I guess that rule doesn't apply to Gawd.

Anyways every year we spend billions of dollars on toys and presents for people we know, just the way God intended it and we have to keep it that way! As soon as we start celebrating the "real reason" for Xmas will probably have a massive depression like the one we are having now but worse BABABAAAAAAAA (shocking music for ambiance).

So it is your duty to buy up big and make sure that everyone you know forgets about the real reason behind Xmas, you will need to burn all the bibles you can get your hands on and make sure your kiddies are infatuated with Santa which is an anagram of Satan if that helps? Church burning is also acceptable but might get you in the shit so pooh smearing will come in handy on the church front. No good will must be shown unless its towards the large supermarket chains and toy companies.

Xmas is a time for celebrating just make sure what you are celebrating is a strong economic future and not the birth of some douche that may or may not of existed thousands of years ago in a land far far away, hasn't he caused enough shit?

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That Day

What a Sunday it was jam packed full of crap of all sorts from sleeping to eating and now some random rambling. Having Sunday being Sundayish and all really got me thinking about Sunday like what is it about the day that make people lazy and fat?

I doooo believe that its gods fault and you know why but to be even more specific its because of the hellish hard work that some of us have to do during the week. Why can't we all be rich i mean we put a man on the moon for no good reason except for the fact that we could and do you know how much that cost! I could of used that money for something fun and not boring like a motorbike thats also a boat that would be cool i could ride and sail everywhere there would be no dying in a flood for me. Anyways we got a man on the moon instead and now i have to work my ass off during the week so that i can relax a little on Sunday! Its a bloody outrage I say and we should make a stand and blow up the moon death star styles!

Anyways if i ever get a job I'll be even more pissed off about Sundays and working so damn hard during the week!

Another moon, isn't she sexy!

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