A word from our sponsors

Having trouble sleeping? Well looks like you need the sleep guide from Damoz direct, thats right a comprehensive guide on what to do if you can't sleep!



Is this a regular occurrence its 2 in the morning and your haven't had a wink of sleep heres some steps from Damoz directs sleep guide that you can follow! WOW

1. Start writing a new satanic bible trying to get your head around religion will surely knock you out! If that doesn't work try
2. Eating several different types of rat bait, rat bait is a natural relaxant! OR
3. Start an argument with your wife or significant other that will almost certainly tire you out! eg Hey bitch wake the f**k up we need more rat bait! OR
4. Try having a root although it might be a bit hard after that fight you just had...naughty naughty! OR
5. Try chasing midgets, I know a good midget hunt always tires me out but remember to catch and release! OR
6. Dress up as a zombie and scare little kids threw there windows! Haha the fun never stops!
7. and my favorite start a blog! The constant running from website to website trying to get people to view your piece of crap will have you in bed in no time! WOW

All this in a book WOW. Order now $9.99
plus $58.00 postage and handling results may vary no refunds given may cause a rash around your balls and sudden death in extreme cases an extra $100.00 is required on delivery Damoz direct accepts no responsibility for unwanted births caused by lesson 4.

I know I'm buying one for me and one for my mom! I love ya mom ya bitch.

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Dear Diary

I have a pretty diary.

Dear blog diary I think I have figured out why my brain is not working proper good and...stuff, I think its to much sleep! Its the insomnia that gets the blood flowing into ideas I say at 2 in the morning anyways I'm going on a sleep strike until I am back at being the smartest man in the world again, I need a carton of smokes and a starbucks built on my face stat.

You may be saying that not sleeping makes me dumb because you need sleep but hey whatever I don't care what you have to say because I'm smarter then you because I am not going to sleep and junk.

So in conclusion I believe that all world war can be ended with a hug and a shag...wait where was I? Yeah sleep who needs it? So over the next few weeks keep an eye out for a sharp increase of amazingnessisim to start appearing on my blog or not I don't care I'm going to bed.

My plan for world domination:

R. random punching of people.
A. angus (not anus get your head out of the gutter).
N. no more random crap.
D. duh.
O. Oh boy.
M. money money money.

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Just some crap

Oh hi I didn't see you there come on in pull out a chair, have a muffin and a smoke but don't catch cancer or you'll die!

World famous zombie porn star

Anyways I was just telling my imaginary friend Vlad the Impaler about some of the types of movies that have come out recently and how f**ked up as a civilization are we that we get heaps and heaps of enjoyment from watching people kill themselves and blow things up on the big screen how sick is that s**t! I mean really what the hell people and if the "blood and guts" or the "special effects" don't look enough like the real thing we get pissed off and say its a s**t film.

Most of the time the storyline is just there to get the most action and special effects out of the movie its like porn that tries to tell a story it just isn't right!

So go and watch your horror movies and slasher flicks and see people stab and shoot each other and then all there guts fall out and dogs eat there guts and zombies rip out there brains and Hugh Grant falls in love thats just sick you freaks!

Anyways what was the purpose of this post? STOP MAKING PORN MOVIES WITH STORY LINES THEY ARE NOT ACTORS ! (it ruins the mood)

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Its ooonnnn (part 2)

Banger gong we are on thanks iron chef for that intro, yes the bell has rung and the fighters seem to be circling each other oh God just flicked off the Devil he will not be happy with that remember this is a no break to the death match lets join the commentators Damo.

Theres no love lost between these two as God gives the rude finger to his opponent.

Thanks Damo! Here comes the Devil lunging at God oh no God has swung around and grabbed the Devils balls with the force of an atom bomb exploding and he is on the ground could it all be over already, no wait hes getting back up and God is giving the Devil the bird...again he is really asking for it.

OHHH god has jumped on the Devil and just rammed his face into the ground these two are really starting to fire up as the Devil is down again and in a lot of pain and looks ready to die no wait hes up and we are fighting again there are a lot of punches going on and God seems to be landing the most but they seem to be all girly hits that are not even making a dent in the Devil.

Thats right Damo the Devil seems to be enjoying it and is almost inviting God to keep punching is this his plan?

BLAMMO

God has the Devil in a head lock but wait the devil has just given God the biggest nipple cripple I have ever seen I think he actually twisted his nipple right off, not good for God! They are circling each other again and both look tired!

God doesn't look the best he has a lot of blood in his eye from a cut on his brow the doctor is just checking it out at the moment but remember this fight wont stop until one of them is dead!

God has just spat a great big loogie into the Devils face but the Devil is just laughing at him, that was gross! Yes it was Damo what will the devil do back? Its a head butt right into the nose of God smashing him to the ground but God has magically made a chair appear out of nowhere and is angrily ramming it into the Devils head over and over that doesn't look good at all Damo!

Who will win, who is the strongest, who wants our souls the most? Why am i asking you all these questions? I don't know. The last fight lasted a thousand years so we will return to our usual blog programing for now but we will keep you updated so stay tuned for more! Damo out.

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Its oooonnnnn

How we all doing tonight? woooooh yeah ok tonight we have a death match between two of the most angry SOBS you will ever see in the ring!

In the blue corner is the defending champ who's wrath and forgiveness he will put you in a coma and take your family at the click of his fingers if its his will, weighing in at a hell of a lot and is....very tall we have the lord himself GOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD give it up for God. Lets see if his will thy be done thy and stuff.

Can he keep his tittle?

In the red corner we have the challenger that is out for revenge after God kicked him out of heaven (what a twist) that thinks this will be his time to kick Gods ass back to Bethlehem in a wicker basket weighing in at also large and tall give it up for this big red horned beast that will eat you soul if you gave him half a chance the DEVIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL!

awesome movie can he win?

Well Damo, yes Damo you can feel the tension in the air as both challengers have a good chance at taking home all our souls tonight lets sit back and enjoy one hell (pun) of a fight! On one hand God has the power but that is changing and I think that the Devil just wants it more, yes thats right Damo the bookies have the Devil as the favorite but don't count out God he always has something up his sleeve. Remember this is a no rules fight and winner takes all!

Your announcers DAMO.

LETS GET READY TO RUUUUUMMMMBBBLLLEEEEEEEEE...to be cont.

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Lucky?

I've been sitting here on my bed and looking at my computer screen for a while now trying to come up with the best post ever in human history but my imagination doesn't stretch to greatness it stops far short of that area and sets up camp around the pick my nose and laugh at a fart part of my brain.

Sure this will make you rich!

Smartnes isn't taught you have to be born with it sure you can be good and live you life like your meant to but you can never be rich and famous for being smart unless your super smart or just really really lucky so how do you get lucky? If there is such a thing as luck can it be obtained or is luck a load of crap that people use to act all modest?

I really hate people with luck because they do nothing and s**t just falls into place I've worked hard most of my life and try to act right but I always end up having a unlucky experience. Did this stuff happen because I was unlucky if that was the case then just living without any problems would be lucky (confused yet?).

I do actually believe in in the meaning of luck that is if you have a "close call" then thats lucky but not getting rich of an idea thats just you being an ass and wanting to be richer then everyone else so if you survive a 20 story fall you can call it what you want but if you worked real hard and succeeded at being rich call it that luck has nothing to do with it so stop giving hope to people that don't have a chance ...Game Over ya rich bastards.

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Blah

Blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah! Blah blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhh blah blah ahahaha blah. Blah blah blah! Blah blah blah. blah...

(3 hours later)...Blah blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah blah.!

That was a message from the world feminist association...oooooowwww I went there!

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Deep and disturbing

In a strange mood at the moment almost like there is impending doom just around the corner so thought I might do a post about how the world might end...cool. Well I'm just going to type any crap that comes out of my Zoloft soaked brain, thats my excuse.


It all started on a day like today the call came threw and within hours it was on every channel in the world the streets were empty and the no one could believe what they were seeing. The news reports said it was the end, dooms day because the comet was going to hit earth and there was nothing anyone could do not even superman or Buffy, I know not even Buffy can you believe it?

Anyways the reports said the earth had 1 hour of life left so everyone should be with there families and everyone they love, every prisoner no matter what they had done were released and all armies sent home. Everyone knew this was it and there was no point fighting it so there was a freaky calm that almost made it seem like the earth had already died and no one was left.

A short time later the TV went dead and all the radio stations followed except for a few stations with presenters that had nowhere else to be. The massive rock was first sighted near Japan and was only a innocent looking dot that seemed like it couldn't even squash a fly.

There was only 30 minutes to go before the end all that could be heard was babies and kids crying and the occasional roar from the engine of a stolen Ferrari or Porsche being driven down the street. I headed into my bedroom and sat on my bed not knowing if it would hurt or not hoping that it wouldn't I didn't think it would because it was going to be quick unless it wasn't a direct hit then I would die slowly and painfully with the millions of other people that were unlucky enough to not be in the "strike zone".

I couldn't handle it anymore I had to end it now the waiting was the worst and I didn't want to go like this I wanted to finish it myself and not have some dumb rock choose how and when, I grabbed a knife from the kitchen sink and walked towards the bathroom I wasn't crying just sad as I entered the bathroom and ran my last bath I would ever have. I slid slowly into the water and clutched the knife with my left hand at first and with one long and hard strike I cut deep into my right wrist, It didn't hurt as much as i thought it would it kinda tickled. After doing the other wrist I felt like I was slowly loosing myself but I wasn't afraid, not of death not know.

My eyes were slowly getting heavier and I knew I had beaten the rock I sure showed it that it couldn't kill me, it would never get me not now not ever, as I faded that thought kept running threw my mind, it was all over.

An hour had passed and still no rock had hit, the TVs and radio stations came back on and started reporting that the rock had missed and the earth would live to see another day but it was to late for me, my life ended that day it was the end of my world.

Ok thats great I'm a nut.

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The truth about cheese

you CAN handle the truth!

Well i have been released in a prisoner swap program with the Kellogg's company I am not fully aware of the details at this time but all transcripts can be found on me and my dodo's blog.
I am finally free to speak and tell my story about this unfortunate line of events that led to the worst cheese war in history !

The fact of the matter is that I was not involved and was a "scape goat" to hide Threio's own blunder for it seems that Threio needed a way to get the press of his ass after a long running affair with a hooker came to the attention of several high ranking members of the congress.

Threio knew he had to make something up so his dirty bird lies will not be the major headlines so I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It all started when on one of my frequent trips to a local house of sin that I spotted the king leaving the room of Kelly one of the most dirtiest and sleaziest pro's she was also known for being a leading bird handler (if ya know what i mean).

As a member of society and a rule abiding citizen it was my duty to tell everyone I knew and ever met before in my life unfortunately Threio did not agree with this and a massive argument ensued and the following "cheese crusades" were born.

As for Static he just wanted the fame and fortune that came with representing a "terrorist" such as myself.

Thats the true story of what really happened I now fear for my life now that the truth has come to the surface and expect retaliation but now I can die happy knowing I have done the right thing for my people.

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Who needs a job?

Had an appointment today for a job I don't want a job but apparently its the thing to do these days if you want to survive but is there another way to survive and not have a job?

Do it I dare ya!

I do believe a big yes is in order for that question and I'll even tell you how it can be done!
First you need to burn everything you own and everything around you even the clothes on your back (take them off first) and then punch everyone you love and even punching some strangers might help.

The next step involves quiting your old job if you have one and for this you will need a bag of snakes any kind will do, take the bag of snakes to your boss and smack him across the face with them while screaming Jesus loves you this will be your notice and he will accept it!

Now that you have burned all your bridges and have nothing left you are ready to start your new jobless life, you need to find a nice forest where you can set up residence you will need water, food and heat you will find all this by a river or lake and the heat you will have to start a fire but you have had lots of experience doing that when you burnt everything you owned so there will be no problem there, if you are unable to start a fire then several different types of animals can be used to "snuggle" with for warmth.

Water is the easiest to get if you are living by a river then theres your water dumbass.
Food can be found in large quantities in caves and holes in trees if you can avoid those pesky KILLER animals like the blue ringed octopus and the green sea turtle and stuff?
So there we have it the easiest way to live without a job! Who would of thought it could of been that simple! Anyways all this and more can be your life if you say no to work and yes to being a freak! Mutha f**ka I just smashed my freaken funny bone its not freaken funny god damn it.

Keep an eye out for these tree dwelling creatures!

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Confused again (and its all your fault)

Thats Better!

For a while now I have been stumbling threw the blogging world without a clue. I started this blog to try and figure out who I really am by reading my own words (crap) about the world and well since I started my wild adventure to the center of my brain my blog has become a "humor blog" which has gotten me all confused, I guess I'm just a funny f**ka and is this what makes me... me?

I don't know what is going on but one good thing has come of this blog and thats that I've stopped taking about myself in the 3rd person...or have I 'shut up Damo screw me yeah screw you me whatever' anyways whatever the reason behind it is, I will always have my brain and a lack of talent for writing which is all I ever wanted.

So you can join all these blog "clubs" and crap like that but don't get carried away with trying to get heaps of traffic and links and high ratings and such because this blog is about you and for you not for me you getting approval from people I've never met and never will meet. Damo and don't ever loose sight of that fact...'Cheers Damo that makes sense' no worries anytime and f**k everyone else, what i didn't say that.

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GTH: Courtesy

Since I have succumbed to the thought of eternal suffering and the hot sluts in hell, I figured I would let you know Why in a series of posts, Going to Hell, GTH, to be done while Damian 666 is scratching the pimples on his backside:

Number 1: My Obsession with Courtesy

This weekend sucked.

The weather was hot and humid as I cruised the local establishments looking for eager participants for frolics of curiosity. All the women that wanted to sweat and slobber on my chest had articles of clothing so disgustingly stuck up their crack as they walked to the ladies room I just abandoned the whole idea. Friday was just a worthless waste of beer and scotch at the local establishments.

Saturday with a heavy head and an itchy waste ejection port I went to the local pharmacy to get some ointment to keep me from scratching and digging into the nuisance area. I stroll past the $2.99 pints of cologne, the ladies stick, rags and jelly section to the backside relief aisle.

I am just about to reach for the ideal product of relief when macho man butts in front of me and snatches some medicated tissue paper. Well excuse me, we have an immortal being here!

With all the common courtesy I can muster I ask him: Am I f*ckin invisible, don’t you see me here!

He shows me the same courtesy back: F*CK U, ASSHOLE!

My elbow working on his own lands on his chin to my amazement. Oops, excuse me as he crawls his way out of the Penelope Cruz’ Loreal Ad display. I say to myself, yes, Penelope, I am Worth It!

With a newfound sense of entitlement, I just can’t resist kicking a lack of courtesy in the head while he is down. I pick up my hat and walk through a sea of customers not quite ready to pay for their goods and pay for my relief.

Sunday wasn’t much better as I lost a complete day of reading your bullshit. You can read how my Sunday went as I tried to cure a case of herpes at Me & My Dodo.


Related: Preparation H

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Straight out of the Kats litter box

Well finally Kat from Kats Litter Box has finally recognized my greatness like everyone else in the world and she has given me an award kinda like my Hell Award but not, so you could say shes a copy...Kat ahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa anyways cheers Kat and heres ya link just click on the damn award ...meow baby.

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That Day

What a Sunday it was jam packed full of crap of all sorts from sleeping to eating and now some random rambling. Having Sunday being Sundayish and all really got me thinking about Sunday like what is it about the day that make people lazy and fat?

I doooo believe that its gods fault and you know why but to be even more specific its because of the hellish hard work that some of us have to do during the week. Why can't we all be rich i mean we put a man on the moon for no good reason except for the fact that we could and do you know how much that cost! I could of used that money for something fun and not boring like a motorbike thats also a boat that would be cool i could ride and sail everywhere there would be no dying in a flood for me. Anyways we got a man on the moon instead and now i have to work my ass off during the week so that i can relax a little on Sunday! Its a bloody outrage I say and we should make a stand and blow up the moon death star styles!

Anyways if i ever get a job I'll be even more pissed off about Sundays and working so damn hard during the week!

Another moon, isn't she sexy!

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Threio's talons

Launching a Sonic Poop Rocket attack

Well Threio has unleashed a horror never before seen onto Static and I on the decks of the pole dancing princess, Static will never be the same after an electric eel made a home in his bum hole.
threios plan i have to admit was a stroke of genius, i never saw it coming well not like that anyway it was very bad and he scared all the hot chicks away you should of just let me drown in the ships pool instead i am now subject to the tortures of an evil cheese hating bird.
Where did i go so wrong all i ever wanted was a cheap good quality cheese that the commoners could afford and I've ended up in a feathery hell of doooooom! This will not do!

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The dolphin wins

For the best blog ever made!!!

I have to give this award to the greatest blog ever created! The person that made Angry Dolphin is a wonderful genius and deserves to be the king of the world if not the universe! It is without a doubt the best blog nay the best website ever and the internet should feel lucky to have such a blog! Wow i can't believe how lucky i was to find this freaken awesome blog and i can honestly say that it has changed my life forever! I can't believe that i have lived this long and never experienced such enjoyment and pleasure as i get when i read Angry Dolphin! This blog really is magical...argh!

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Another Trick

Thanks to Damian 666, AKA, DAMO, I get the opportunity to take off my feathers and write a post as a human being. However, I am pretty sure he has conned me into filling up space on his blog while he goes and grabs men’s dirty shorts playing a bone pirate’s sport like rugby. So be it.

Since I am now at a sub station of Hell, delving into the subject is probably appropriate here. Let’s take an opportunity to look at my situation with open minds and eyes and whatever toxic substance you use to make you coherent to the world around you.

Since the moment the human species stopped smearing piss, blood and shit on the walls of caves we have had two approaches to the ideology of Heaven and Hell.

Be good and you go to heaven.
Be bad and you go straight to Hell

However, like all other rules there are fallacies to the plan that can often be considered bullshit.

No one is good all the time.
No one is bad all the time.

Already a problem in the first rule, before we even use the other side of our brain.

At this point some SmartAss comes up with the idea that as long as you believe, you can screw up the Number 2 Rule. However, you must try and follow the rules of Number 1. WTF?

Okay, I will play along a bit, how hard do I have to try to follow the rules of Number 1. Can I break forty percent of the rules of Number 1, and still get in to Heaven? Do any of the Rules of Number 1 have more weight than others?

Too many questions and not enough answers, again, we work on the plan.

As of this moment, we have sacrificed one of you to make it easier for you to get in. Now if you say you are sorry for breaking the Rules of Number 1, you can still get in. Great, but what happen to the dude that got sacrificed?

Don’t worry he is in even waiting on you in Heaven.

Wait a minute! I know damn well I would be pissed if you sacrificed me so others could get in the club. Sounds like a trick to me.

You know what, I would rather go to a place where I know for sure everyone is going to be pissed. Send me to Hell.
Ref: Bone Pirate – one who steals a boner

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Threio in the Mist

Freaken awesome movie!

Threio's bird warriors must be close now i can smell bird poop in the air even over my normal cheese odor which is the best smell money can buy, Static is still farting around with Luscious Lolita even after I've had a go but i guess he likes going sloppy seconds and eating my old cheese.
The pole dance paradise is now covered in junk and crap but we still have complete control of the ship but for how long i wonder surely Threio will be here soon we just have to wait.
A lite mist has come over the ship and we have no idea what is in the mist or whats causing it, its very odd I'm afraid this could be my last post before I'm captured.
Its hard to believe all this is because of the price of cheese!

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The death of innocence (I know I spelt it wrong)

I thought that tittle would get your attention and this post has nothing to do with innocents whatever that is, once again i am just going to ramble of some random words and hope they don't make sense.

IN STORES NOW!

This week i will be on the cover of model magazine its a huge honor as I've only been a model for a week but my career has taken me to France, Spain the USA and all over the world. My first shoot was for a company that sells cheese and cheese related products over the internet they are now one of the largest online sellers of cheese in the world thanks to me! I have earned over $10 and am now looking at buying a 20 story house on the lovely Gold Coast i have also met some of the worlds most famous people from Samantha Tungaralla who played Alice in the movie jungle Jims wild and erotic adventures in Antarctica to Steve the accountant.
If you were thinking of getting into modeling i would say this... do it or fake it like me!

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Statics love is like no other

This blog is fast turning into a raunchy love fest but that the way we like it.

After my boat dilemma i finally met up with my fuzzy haired lawyer friend Static he led me to another ship apparently the last one was a canoe but these things happen.
So back to the shores of Faroe and back to the war front well around the corner from the war front.

As soon as we arrived Static and I met a squadron of Threio's puffins which were no trouble for us due to the good running away from we gave to them, our only option was another cruise ship called the princess something, we didn't have the money for a ticket so we did what we could and hijacked the massive ship using a screw driver and a live crab that i had caught earlier that day for the purpose of teasing.

4 days on the ship our moral was running low i knew i had to do something and i had to do it fast then slow the fast...then slow. The orgy we had really cheered us up as Static lived out a fantasy of his that involved a midget a demon and George Bush i didn't understand the fantasy until i was up to my knees in...um thats another story. Whats next on this magical voyage?

We need troops to take on the role of cheese men and fight against the horrific beak of king Threio if you think you have got what it takes that would be awesome!

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HELL AWARD

Be popular!

Everyone is making there own awards so i thought i will make one for evilness i haven't seen any around for it and as everybody knows you don't get awarded enough for badness these days, so here it is.

You can award the HELL AWARD to the most totally random, hellish, different and sophisticated blogs about eviiilllllll you can find. There are only 5 rules you must follow if you win this prize:

1. You have to show the link of the blog/s that awarded you the HELL AWARD.
   
2. You must award this prize to at least 3 other blogs and show there links and names.
3. The award must be linked back to ANGRY CLOWN
4. All awards must be deserved.
5. The rules must be shown with the award.

The names of the first ever winning blogs are...(to be continued).

1. : Kelly from Psycho Carnival
   
2. : Threio from Me and My Dodo
   
3. : Sara from My Explosive Diarrhea
   

(If your worried about this being a "meme" then you would be right but thats all part of being eviiiillllll)

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This is the one

After changing my template 30 times today i have decided that this is the best one so i promise i wont change it again...today.

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New look

Like the new look? I thought i keep winning all these suspect awards so i deserve a new template.
Anyways all my cool widgets and some other things are missing so i will have it going awesome again in a couple of days plus i will be stuffing around with other things just to make it look way more awesome, hope you like the look!

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The lusting of Sally

My crew

My journey towards the sea took me to...the sea where my ship the demonic brown pearl was waiting this was my chance to search for my love child that i had let go so many years ago now.
The waves where 12 feet high the sky was as back as something thats really really black the wind was not to bad actually i thought it would of been colder but it was nice and warm. I climbed aboard my ship hoping and praying that i would come across my sweet man shark creature but it was not meant to be yet again.

The first night i found myself in the arms of a demon named Sally she tried to scratch my face of and at that moment i knew it was love, we made love for 177 hours that night.
The next day i awoke to find she was gone and the ship had sank i have no idea what could of gone wrong we were sailing threw a lovely part of somewhere...ok we were lost as lost as sailors without the stars to guide us but i continued floating around clutching a dead body that i had drowned i mean found. Some hours later i was picked up by another ship called the lust boat luckily they have internet connection so i am able to write this post.

Sally

If you have the internet where you are sally don't worry we will meet again and next time can i have a go?

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Its 4am so I'm just posting stuff and junk.

How many of you have come across a large bag of opened potato chips (crisps if your from the states) during your adventures and thought to yourself "I'm hungry and I'm sure there safe" and before long chowed down on the chips? Well if you have done that your really gross and disgusting, I always hold out for a half eaten chocolate bar they are the best half eaten food around, the way they melt in your mouth setting free all the ants and bugs that fell trap to the chocolaty goodness yum! Anyways there was no point to this post just talking some more crap, have a nice day.

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I am the greatest but you already knew that

Kelly my man lover from PSYCHO CARNIVAL thanks for the award!

The blogs that deserve this award are:

Threio from Me & My Dodo

Static from Krapsody

Qelqoth from The Cult Of Qelqoth

Kat from Kats Litter Box

and Alex from A Copywriter's Blues


If your up there do this stuff or don't break the rules people, you might win an award for rule breaking, that sounds like an idea!

RULES

1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award, creativity, design, interesting material, and also contributes to the blogger community, no matter of language.

2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

3) Each award-winning, has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.

4) Award-winning and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y pico”blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5) To show these rules.

Anyways heres links that the rules said i had to have...sounds like a good scam lmao

Arte y pico

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The DODO and the brothel incident

I look good in black and white

Another brothel visit this time in the Faroe islands, on the run from the evilness of the kings of DODO i stopped in at a lovely little pub in a 16th century building, the artwork was exquisite and of course had to show myself to a lovely little lady all was going well i had all the cheese and beers i needed until i got word that a group of Therios winged warriors were headed this way. There was one thing to do, well two things to do then i was off.
I have read the diary writing by one of the DODOS and know there every move but i do not know how they know all my moves this has got me worried but i will prevail after all i am the cheese king!

My travels are now taking me to the sea to meet with my lawyer static and all i can tell you is we have something big... or small planned it could go either way!

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I want one!

This fish kicks ass and its not a croc! (it looks like my right testicle)

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Battle of the DODOS

Death itself

Well this has been a long week for me i have been arrested and escaped from Threios prison his fowl (pun intended) intension's were not enough to keep me at bay for i am the great Damo master of all cheeses! Threio has forgotten that i will never give up and never stop until the land of DODO is mine!

He calls me a terrorist but i am there to free the DODOS from "king" Thrieos rain of blood it has to end and soon! My escape was a stroke of magic by Static for he is the king of green ass fog escapes there was no other choice. Yet again The Cult Of Qelqoth has let me down for during my incarceration they were no where to be seen although i have a sneaking suspicion they were behind my escape!

"King" Threio if you are reading this take note of this warning! The battle has just begun!

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Untitled (very artistic)

Never liked that show

I'm sitting here eating a giant anzac cookie and thinking not like i should but thinking none the less and because i can't think of an idea for this post on purpose i will just see what crap flows out of me on this freezing cold night from the depth of hell itself.

Ok another day, another day wasted i have been doing nothing and i mean nothing for the last week i get up go on online and go back to bed, i don't know what this all means I'm not a doctor but maybe i should go and see one and yell at him or steal his flying time traveling phone box then crash it into the set of Buffy in 1997 and become famous for Buffy's handsome yet troubled vampire lover, that would be fun.
Where is this post going, i wouldn't have a clue so lets just sit here quietly for a little while and stare at the screen, see if any strange creatures from another universe climb out of it.

(3 hours later) nope not a thing but hey that was fun i never knew my reflection looked so sexy, ok i kind of knew after all i am the sexiest person alive. Anyways time to go and think of something worth putting up on the internet maybe a naked photo of a famous person or something there always good to look at, well it was fun!

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I won it fair and square

I won this prize fair and square so id like to thank mom and dad whoever and wherever you are, my gal, well Jesse's gal, the man on the moon, several types of cheese i couldn't do it without them and of course the biggest thanks goes to Satan for his constant snot picking and flicking ways and he has always been there to stick a tongue in my ear when i needed it, thanks Satan...and dead rooster for stuff and junk, well thats the wind up music, you love me you really really love me!

special thanks to me for awarding this award to myself because I'm the most awesomest ever at everything all the time, I'm a rule breaker yeah chicks totally dig me, I'm such a stud yeah.

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Krapsody

Static is the funniest man in the world well at least hes in the top thousand of funniest people in the world well maybe not the world maybe in the US well maybe not in the whole US just, well hes kind of funny well hes more a laugh then funny anyways read his review and check out his blog! Krapsody...If you don't then a chicken will somehow eat your testicles!

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Awwww

What an ugly f**ken fish! It looks like my left testicle.

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Like mushrooms?

Mushy

my thought place is still down for repairs but maybe a story will get me stinking i mean thinking again...This is the story of a lone mushroom named mushy.

It was a bright sunny and beautiful day in the area that this story takes place anyways a lone mushroom called mushy was tucked away in a damp dark corner in a green house his name was mushy he had never seen the outdoors world before everything he knew was in that small box where he lived. Mushy was a lone mushroom all his friends and family had been picked a couple of weeks ago and he didn't know why but he would soon find out. the day came that mushy was to be picked he had heard some rumors from the flowers that he was going to be made king and everyone knew flowers didn't lie because they were really pretty so they didn't need to make things up.

Mushy was so excited, the farmer came in and mushy was happy and filled with glee then with the swipe of the farmers hand mushy was ripped from the ground with that a sharp terrifying pain tore threw mushys body he could feel his legs being ripped from his feet, as he cried the farmer carried him to the house on the way he saw the outside world for the first time in his life, wow he thought to himself this really is an amazing place, he had never seen such beauty before unfortunately he was unable to enjoy it long as the farmer took him inside his house and placed mushy on a bench. This is it I'm going to be king thought mushy as the farmer brought out a large shiny object from under the counter, how pretty it was until the blade of a butchers knife came down on mushy slicing threw his limp little body, he couldn't handle the pain kicking and screaming with blood squirting from his open arteries it was the worst thing he had ever felt, soon the pain went and left mushy feeling so cold and numb, shacking and frightened mushy died there and then on the bench all alone but his life did not end i vein for that night the farmer had the most delicious meal of steak with mushroom sauce...yum!

Mushys memory will live on in the hearts of thousands they will always remember that if your kept in the dark and fed bullshit you will die by the hands of a farmer named old McDonald !

P.S. Brains still stuffed.

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Believe

Its your choice!

Live your life the way you want to don't let others sway your beliefs. Believe in big foot, vampires, the lochness monster and anything else you want I'm sick of being labeled a weirdo for believing in what i want when our brain and beliefs are the only things in life we have the freedom to totally control. I believe in all of the above and more and i can believe that the moon is made of cheese if i want. So don't let people tell you what to believe because you will loose the one thing you can truly control and no one can ever get to it unless you let them! The moon is made of cheese people...believe me! God damn i speak so much crap ! I use the word believe a lot!

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The dumbening?

Stupid!

Whats happening to me? I'm getting dumber and dumber and its not just me it seems the rest of the world is as well, it might just be a temporary thing but I've been slowly getting stupider by the day, its already taken me half an hour to write this post and I'm struggling to kick my brain in to gear. I cant even think why I'm dumb at the moment but as i write it will hopefully kick in.
What am i angry at today, well the fact that if you have a "dumb day" at the wrong time it could affect your destination in this world you could go from winner to looser overnight. Should there be a smartening drug? A medication that can make us smarter stronger faster well actually just smarter i think theres already some drugs for stronger and faster, so why not smarter. Sure theres stuff you can take to make you more aware therefore seeming smarter but i want to be Einstein smart and there is no way i can do that on my own! My brain is slowly warming up while I'm writing this post but it just doesn't have the same witty remarks that I'm known for being super awesome for.
The next time someone says your stupid just say "f**k you I'm having a dumb day f**ka", theres my wit...awesomeness.

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Randomismness

Evil cat

Just start writing and see what happens, oh hello good friends and gentle viewers welcome gather around while i tell you about the story of a kitten, the most wonderful kitten ever run over by a lawn mower!
There once was a kitten a baby cat for those people that don't know, it was the most ugliest cat ever before seen but that cat grew up to be a evil little bastard that would rip your eyeballs out if you gave it half a chance so i ran it over with a lawn mower.

Another message from the random bloggers association.
The passage that you have just read is about a gorilla called Jeffery that lived on a tropical island called Damosvilletowncityplace, if you liked this story and would like a transcript please phone the number below 2847 275 675 612 735 675 61...34

See you can have fun without brain cells!

P.S. I'm tired thats my excuse

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Bullshark s**t II The cloned empire strikes the crystal skull again

My love child

I thought that it was the end of love for me after my girl had died but i never thought those 5 magical hours would produce a love i had never known.
The body of my shark was frozen only an hour after death i couldn't bare to see her die and after 5 years i had discovered the cure for "fish out of water" disease. We lived happily for several days before she left for the sea again it seems you can take the fish out of the ocean but you cant take the ocean out of the fish. I knew that if i loved her i had to let her go but before she left she left me with a present for she had given birth to the most beautiful egg sack i had ever seen. I was sad to see her leave but i knew i had to be strong for the child that was born on its birthday, what a coincidence.
As soon as my daughter/shark creature hatched i knew she was the shark women creature i had been waiting for my whole life. That day we made extreme with a chicken kinda kinky love it was the best of my life but again it was not meant to be as it seemed she felt like the sea was calling her. I tried to stop her but the following day i woke to find her water bed empty and my heart just as empty. I cried for 7 days and nights with no water or food just emotion, i went down to the pier where i had caught my love, i put my rod in the water again hoping like hell that one day my sexy girl would bite giving me just one more chance of sweet sweet shark man loving.
If you go down to that pier today you can still see me there crying with my pants down around my ankles while i vigorously pleasure myself with a sock puppet called sharky, i know one day my family will be reunited.
THE END... for now!

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Diary of an insomniac

Mute albino midget !

This is just a few entries in a diary i found while breaking into a house it was my own i had lost my keys and no one was home, don't ask how its a long story...I forgot my keys.

DAY 1:
Hello diary I'm having problems sleeping can you help me out "no I'm a diary dickhead" um ok i'm tired but good i haven't slept for 24 hours and I'm feeling fine!

DAY2:
I'm still feeling good just been watching TV and chilling out I'm over the tiredness now and just want to stare at the roof...its a pretty roof thought i saw a UFO last night

DAY3:
Ran over a couple of people on the way to work today but i suspect they were the aliens that visited me last night besides that I'm feeling fine I'm starting to think that sleep is overrated!

DAY 7: Missed a couple of entries due to those damn aliens trying to steal my baby making juice, but i got them back!

DAY 10:
There everywhere I think its a full scale invasion, still haven't slept but no time now need to prepare for the mother ship they need to be stopped!

DAY ?:
I have to write fast there coming, if i don't make it back alive tell my family i love them !

DAY20:
Well don't i feel silly it turns out there were no aliens it was all in my head aha anyways I've been sleeping again they kind of make you in prison, the first court day is tomorrow it seems my "aliens" were in fact mute albino midgets from around town. This will probably be my last entry for a while as I'm charged with 23 counts of sodomy ...

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Explanation Style

Nut

I might be a nut reading all that crap back to myself i thought this guy has issues it was then i saw it was my blog so don't take anything i say to seriously because i really don't know what I'm talking about and what I'm writing most of the time, just remember its a laugh well to me anyways, f**king with peoples thoughts and feelings are all the pleasures i have in life....except for fishing and movies and camping and cars and drawing and eating and blogging and sex and you know all the best stuff in life.
In conclusion believe every word i write and do exactly what i tell you to do and your life will be a whole lot better then what it is...I'm that good!

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A story I've had brewing in the gray matter of my "brain" for a while now so please pull up a chair grab the kiddies around and venture into the wild world of make believe truth.

The time machine fired up with the sound of hundreds of jet engines firing at once, a small light began to appear from the center of the cube, the light growing larger shot to every corner of the box like a tear in time itself. The spaceman suited up with the protection of an astronaut for he knew the trip there was the hardest and roughest ride he will ever take.
the count down began as the spaceman ran towards the portal leaping on the count of one. Like a jump of a cliff he hit the ground like a tennis ball being smashed by a racket but they had prepared him for such a landing supplying him with medical aids for everything known to exist in that period. He was in the time of Christ they had sent him back to discover the truth.

Anyways to cut a long story short the people thought he was there Christ and nailed him to a cross while writing a book about his magical powers and how he could cure illnesses, called the bible (revealing music plays). He was the man he had gone back in time to research and find out the truth about. THE END (credits role)

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My not so sweet revenge

PHOTO REMOVED TO MY BRO BEING A SUPER DOOPER TURD FACE

I hope we all know the story of brother Jamie, Kelly came up with an awesome and amazing plan for revenge unfortunately it back fired, literally.
The night was as dark as death itself and the wind was blowing hell across the land when the time came closer the urge to obtain a pound of my brothers flesh grew stronger but i did not factor in my need to crap so much or my brothers need to stay up late and watch some gay late night movie. I did not make it to his room, instead the blistering act of revenge fell to the floor as i ran to the den of the beast luckily it was not a wet one.
After my failed attempt at the most daring revenge plan ever devised i saw the error of my ways...Its not one of my turds that shall strike my evil deeds across his face but some random bums stinky black or green or a wet yellowy brown log of death. One day my revenge will be had!

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heheheeeeeeeee

How funny is this it looks like a wang and yes I'm aware that I'm immature.

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Complete and udder bullshark s**t

I found this picture on a website i have no idea who caught it or where My sexy girl R.I.P

This was the first time i had caught a mega shark little did i know that the shark would grow to be one of my best lovers i had ever known. It was a Saturday just like every other Saturday i was fishing down the local pier when my rod started bending it was the biggest fish i had ever felt on the end of my rod so i reeled like crazy hoping i had a mermaid on the other end because they had been seen in the area a few days ago and i was very horny anyways i fought this fish for 7 days and 7 nights with no food or drink only running on pure emotion. Finally the giant fish came to the surface where i jumped on it wrestling it Steve Irwin style when our eyes met i knew at that point that this was the shark that i was waiting for. We stopped wrestling and grabbed each other in a loving embrace kissing each other for hours but it was not meant to be after close to 5 hours of passionate love making on the pier my shark lover died for it had slipped my mind that sharks can only live out of the water for about 4 hours but before she took her last gulp she whispered to me "grhharhhgrhh" which in shark speak means that she will always be mine forever and ever. I cried for close to 7 days and 7 nights with no food or water just emotion running threw my body. I will never forget those 5 magical hours that day on the pier i will always remember the way her sand paper skin felt against my naked shuddering body and the smell of her fish breath I'm sorry i have to stop there I'm to emotional to continue.

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I'm a sexy beast

Reality sucks how much cooler is this!!!

I am a sexy beast i have this on good authority that I'm the sexiest and cutest man that ever lived...ever. I know this because people i have never met and that have never seen me in person say so! This is the way of the chat room its your alter ego that does the talking. I'm not really a sexy man but my ego is he is confident sexy and smart he is known only by Its_a_scream due to my love of horror movies! This is kind of my thought for the day or year or whatever if we can strive to be in real life what we are online then the world would be so gay and full of pretenders trying to be something there not. So i say thank god (or Satan) for the invention of chat rooms...They are also a good place to pick up a pretty transsexual if ya into that sort of stuff...Qelqoth...THE END

P.S I still have a car

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A message from my brother

PHOTO REMOVED DUE TO MY BRO BEING A TURD

My brother Jamie is a turd he is turdish in appearance and in personality he gave me a message just before when he ran into my room laughing, when he got to my face he turned around bent over and pulled down his pants and i then waited for a while wondering what the hell he was doing obviously he didn't have it built up just when i thought he was bluffing a massive fart ripped threw his ass making a wave of fat dance around his body. With a face full of giggles and laughs he pulls up his pants turns to me and says suck s**t f**ka! This was definitely a message to get off the internet so he could go on i quickly obliged as i didn't know if he had done his daily dump and didn't want to push my luck and that is the life story of my brother Jamie. What a turd...

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Don't blame me

I really love this film

Is there good in the world? Of course there is but its not our normal nature we really have to try to be the best and good...est we can. This is because we had to be angry and mean to survive in the days of cavemen and Jesus...probably, so don't blame me the next time i punch you its just a left over reaction to stuff from when we were ancient hunters and gatherers!
So if you are up on assault chargers and have no reason for your actions except that cheating bitch deserved it then i suggest you use the cavemen story! I guarantee you will be released without charge or your money back....Trust me!

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Message from the random bloggers association:
Random bloggers of the world unite against making sense! Our way of life is under threat by the introduction of structure and common sense in blogs causing readers to understand what they are reading. THIS CAN NOT CONTINUE! So please do your part in this war against terror make sure everything you write makes no sense and doesn't have an ounce of structure remember your kids are
depending on YOU! I have a car.

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Sleep

Its a fish and its asleep just thought you might like it.

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You better be good

Don't fall asleep

Something to post about? I don't know maybe other fine blogs that are around? Have you found any? I have but I'm way to lazy to add them even tho it would be easy i guess maybe I'll get straight on to that because I'm bored. So if you see your blog in my "blog roll" thing it would be good if you could ad me to yours! .....Or die from complications during heart surgery (it could happen) cool.

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Come on F**K

Look at this s**t thats whats wrong with the internet

Hit a snag I'm not as smart as i thought although i did think i was dumb anyways. What the f**k is with all these RSS feeds and site burning post crap? are they trying to make people die by trying to figure this crap out i mean the internet should be for everyone and blogs should be for dumb asses that have no clue and yet without all this crap you can't be up there. Come on people simplify it people its doing my head in. I have a blog and its here yet i have to have the same thing in 290 different sites at once I'm sure ma and pa bloggers can't figure this out and suffer for it can't anyone make this easy? I'm really pissed because rich f**ken sites make more money then me by confusing the f**k out of people well it sucks and thats all i have to say.

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Wes Craven the king!

Legendary

Monsters, the things that hide under your bed the tears on kiddies faces the goose bumps on the back of your neck these things are what make us feel alive. Fear is a feeling that can be even stronger then love it can change you from hero to zero with a scream a sound a twig breaking thats all it takes! They are also very entertaining and can make you obsessed with them kinda like me. I love slasher flicks and monster movies and the cheesier the better so you might of guessed that my favorite movie is Scream possibly the best slasher flick ever made...ever. Is there anything that Wes Craven can't can't do don't answer that! This post is kinda like a home work post if you love me you will watch as many Wes Craven films as you can then go outside and think of the world as a movie, you will suspect everyone and everything and therefore be scared of life itself. I have done this and for a week i wouldn't go outside for the fear that a knife would find my back! It really was a fun week! So try it!

SMG in Scream 2

Not her best role but its still Sarah and thats all that matters...All praise her!! When your watching her demise keep an eye out for a guys head pop up just as she falls off the balcony just a small stuff up.

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Vampire, werewolf and zombie

Vampire werewolf zombie fish?

Another day sleeping and another strange dream. This one was about vampire werewolf cross breeds that had been turned into zombies after a world wide outbreak of zombie people like all the movies. Anyways there were a group of cross bred "werewolf and vampire" creatures that weren't infected that had joined forces with some uninfected humans to try and save the world from both zombie creatures and zombie people. This dream was awesome and played out like a movie with the star being a cross bred vamp we were forced down the sewers to fight for our lives and find a cure or just kill them all with action left right and center and when we thought we were done for another way of escape would always pop up just like a movie. It was cool and i kinda wanted this to happen for real after i woke up not for the fact that it would be cool but because i didn't see how the dream finished and don't know if we one or lost but maybe I'll finish the dream next time I'm asleep. So just wanted to let people know the zombie genre hasn't ended there are still plenty more ideas to follow up on so people keep zombies alive!!

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